Sunday, October 31, 2010

My most first month

October is ending. Before I start my post - Happy Halloween to all my readers! May your dress up this year spook more luck for the coming year. Haha, typical chinese wish.

Anyway, I have to say that October has been a lot of "first" for me;
1. It is the first time I am paying utilities bills (mostly transfered to my name) like Unifi, Phone, Mobile and so forth
2. It is also the first time I manage to save the exact money I set as my target
3. Indirectly, it becomes the first time ever I never really buy or shop anything for myself
4. It is the first time I allow, accept and expose my vulnerability to an outsider
5. It is the month of many emotional turmoils, SUDDEN up and downs - and first time I handle them quite well
6. It is the first time I fell sick consequently on 2 mondays in a row ... Not coincidence ok!
7. It is the first time I play dirty at politics at work
8. Definitely my first month I force myself to gym frequently
9. First time I bought my sister something really expensive
10. First time I tried a new DSLR camera technology and fell in love with it
11. First time I got bunked out of a confirmed commercial due to acting
12. First time my MBA group got so much of interaction, feedback, applause and laughters from audience
13. First time I felt like I was a fallen Superman
14. First time I did free-style swimming successfully for a rep in the pool!
15. The month I kindly rejected 2 dates
16. The first time I only ate 3 plates of food for buffet
17. The first time I put on 2 kg in just 3 weeks
18. First time I wore my dad's shoe ... why? Look at the pic below!
19. First time ever I am changing my 14years old bed (my current bed lived with me since I was 6!)
20. The first time I realise there are so many first time for a particular month!!!

Sadly, it would have been my also first Halloween celebration but due to work, study and arrangements to oblige, I guess there is always next year. November, here I come!

MY DAD HAS A DAMN NICE PUMA SHOE!!! He bought himself one summore... I cannot accept lo! Anyway, I wore it out for dinner already. Haha

Friday, October 29, 2010

Day of inconvenience

And so the title says a lot. Found out many hidden agenda and how insufficient, unprofessional and stupidly-daring some people can be but I cannot say much because duely, it is still work. I guess different people work differently.

To add on, I feel like Superman. It's damn a tiring job when you have no sidekick, super human powers and the recognition a hero deserves. To make things more complicated, I read a tweet which follows the line "if you are the smartest in the group, time to change the group". Somehow, this is quite sad to hear ... definitely brought my mood down. So, busy and tired has become my common reply for how do you do nowadays.

Guess life moves on anyway ~

Well the highlight of today's post would be Sister's birthday dinner celebration earlier. Bought her a new purse and hopefully she likes it better than me but I am sure she will, after all ... it is branded, expensive and genuine! I hope she will now dump her fake LV purse into the dustbin! Haha

and so we were crazy over the sate lilit @ Ole Ole Bali!

We ordered all different dishes and shared it out. Mum's idea and since she was treating - we ordered away!

and of course ...

I got myself a gift too! Haha ... Konon la ... adik burfday dapat gift ... I pun mahu! I kan spoiled!

Murah kan! Always wanted to watch the DVD ... and now ... Boleh!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My poetic Tuesday

And so it begin, sleeping at the other side was a relief
Impossible it may seems, the three letter word lingers in my mind
It was a long time, quite sometime it has been
Said with sincerity, virtue of promises
And so it was warned, I dreamt that dream

Awaken with the grey sky, looking through my sleepy eyes
A figure move abouts, is that what I seek to every morning?
I fell asleep again, hoping it was falsity I am living
Bath and neck beckons the wishful thoughts

My mind was blank as the road were clear
I entered work later but made the best of it
Absent minded, I lost track of time
Absent minded, a planned activity was canceled
Ignorance hits
Slacking through the plains at work

The mood swings are more apparent
With ugly paintings, you expected applause?
I cynically insult, begging to differ
Frightening and fragile, vulnerable to fouls
I think about the sweetest escape
An intrusion of past and present
I ask, where thy's future then?

Sun dawn,
Lurking from roads, avoiding crawl
I should have taken the straight road back
Why do I reminisce yesterday's journey
The tree and roads that was lost in years,
Revisited but missing and had returned
Was it a sign? Was it a warning? Was is just coincident?

A broken heart controlled disruptions
Unfair to hurt those who are innocent
I continue to sink into a corner
Better? Yes thank you
The night flew quickly with drawings and pictures piecing together
Ended with tea, inspiring supper

And so I asked, was it a good day?
And so I answered, too many perspectives ... too little answers

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Monday Night out

Was with MK around the corner hanging out again. That sweet lil boy read my blog and also brought me to this place that serves delicious, affordable gelato called:

Patisfrance which is located in Taipan is a bakery-gelato stall-cafe style restaurant located just next to Maybank. To be exact, it is directly opposite Old Town Signature. The family place is rated superbly clean with recognition from MPSJ as well, earning 3 stars for their ratings ... whatever that meant.

Anyway, the gelato cost around RM5.90 for two scoops which taste really cool. But the best thinge to have there is actually pastries! There are tons and tons of em! Which is why I bought like 4 apple filled doughnuts, double choc chiffon cake, black sesame cake and green tea raisins bun. YUMMY!

Then as soon as we were about to leave, MK and I bumped into Gogo and Keke. The duo who I have not seen for ages! So we decided to walked across the street, head to Old Town Signature and chat. Our chat session soon went on to become one of the most dramatic night ever with the agenda of discussion - politics

After numerous complains, grunts about the new STUPID WHITE ELEPHANT 100 MENARA thinge, discomfort on the fact that the government is driving Msia into bankruptcy and how our governors are just monkeys without brains ... we all went home with a sore-heart that our government is pathetically ignorant about the people's real need and wants, despise the rich they already own like raw materials, agriculture, talents and brain ... along with many achievements!

and yet ... they choose the latter. If only they know that manipulation of the benefit and advantage of the country to get more money is more acceptable in the people's eye. Well ... I guess they would never know ... or care

Since I am one of the people and next generation to actually live in Malaysia, I will do my best in the next election. I am sure with tons of proof and government cases ... my decisions are easy

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Remembering my Magnum, Mcflurry and Haagen Daaz surprise

I have to work tomorrow. I have to work on a weekend. I have to work on Sunday, my only weekend of the week since I have classes on Saturday. Life sucks big time!

But I am quite simple and easy to be happy. Some people just don't understand that sometimes ... all I need is just action. Just the act of it sweeps me off my feet ... or make me a lil boy ... just like when I was stressed up in Spore ... like this

Lil boy buying ice-cream

Lil Boy custom make ice cream

Lil Boy pick the best dressings

Lil Boy paid hefty price for happiness

How come I always have to make myself feel good ... where is the other person that was suppose to do it at my most down and vulnerable time? Fuck the manual book for giving people expectations and hope. Fuck it all!

Lemongrassboy is just bitter now ...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sulking in Cold Waters

Sometimes it is very interesting how life brings you to certain crossroads. While you are living your own life thinking that special someone will always accompany you through life’s thick and thin, it would be best not to expect that. Hope is always very fragile and in many sense filled with cowardice.

Listening to the voice that is hidden in me for so many years, I really do not know whether what I’ve decided is the right path. After every ballot and every decision, I find myself still struggling with the same dilemma. I may have not moved or grown some may have said, but the desserts that I brave through and deadly lonely ocean I have sailed, I know I did. And perhaps that is all that really matters.

In action he swept me away, and so I ask again repeatedly with concern and caution ... will he ever do so again?

Because of that, I learned to never wander far. Always caution on the path of road that I am walking. Always afraid to jump and skip the beat when it is most enjoyable. Thus, I built these never-ending walls between the memories and dreams. Tangled in time ... I ask myself, am I at the crossroad? Or am I just justifying my own rebound? How can I unwind time, not to the past ... but fast forward? How can I flash forward courageously?

I am hanging myself from the shadow that lies ahead. I asked myself why do I feel so unwanted, so cold ... so uncertain? Do I throw the dice and gamble life away. Worse, gamble everything that I thought that would actually in fact matters the most.

Life is filled with mystery and in so often, misery. Perhaps Confucius is right that balance is good. When you are in doubt, don’t simplify matters – just be certain of it. When you are living in misery, balance it with mystery?

And so I feel used ... mere replacements, decorations in life ... always second

Monday, October 18, 2010

New wish list and a tumor?

I am currently updating my wish list...

The wish list will test both my management skills in financial and ability to resist spending on junks. Not exactly junk-per say ... but things that I do not necessary need or worsen the space issue in my wardrobe.

Anyway, remember that I rambled about my weight... I went on the weighing machine today and I am heaviest in my entire life. 69kg!!! I thought I put on weight on my belly ... or rather, politely said stomach but I am still able to wear my working slacks - at size 30. The 2.5 kilo increase was very sudden and within this few weeks ...

Its either I gotten muscle mass, which is quite ridiculous since I look the same ... or I got myself a tumor, which is very likely since my back aches more often now. The back part where people say it supports your entire body. Tentatively speaking, I better arrange a full body check up ...

Hmm ...

Worrying I must say but thank you to all the friends who had send their concern and comfort. I will be fine :-)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Adele's repeating on my itunes

Currently listening to this song. Means a lot doesn't it? How come? How come?

Adele - Make you feel my love

When the rain is blowing in your face,
and the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
to make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
and there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
to make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
but I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
no doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
to make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
and on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
you ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
to make you feel my love
to make you feel my love

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Rambling again about me

I do not know why I am blogging in class when I should be concentrating to the lecture. These days, my concentration and learning curve has been dropping. I believe that I am finally growing old.

That said, I do not know why I put on weight these days but still look awfully thin. I double my intake of food at most time and tries a balance diet. I really do envy people who are born with great proportioned body. At times, when I break myself in gym ... I really do wonder how certain members can gain weight or muscle much faster than I do.

It's been close to 6 years for me to be in gym and I have done personal training, vigorous exercise and correction training. Accompanied by strangers who turned friends, gym mates and professional trainers, the only perk I gotten was actually increasing my body mass with 4kg from my 65kg weight. It was the best time when no one said I look thin

Nowadays, even with focus exercises and maintaining my gym routine ... I still get comments that I look thin, I look skinny and similar commentary. Am I doing the wrong thing? I really hope I do not have to subject myself to saving a little more for steroids or muscle enlargement.

Notice how thin I look? Notice how small my arm and shoulder look ... *sob sob*

Sigh, perhaps its time for me to get some TLC. Maybe I will put on weight after I get into a relationship...

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Courage ... my terms

I really admire people with courage.

People who are brave enough to make the first move to impress and decide their own fate. This is usually equated to the case of love. From making the first move, invitation to dinner to making the first big step in life, proposal or engagement, its a deep depth of achievement many would not be able to comprehend, nevertheless to execute. The courage that lies in love is usually blinded by ego and principles. That of I shouldn't over "pamper" my lover, the fear of rejection and definitely the all time famous; mind games. Whether it is pure joy torture or afraid to look weak - it's a choice of the individual. Thus, people who are pure idiots for romance, love and passion are usually the people we laugh at in life, movies and often portray a "magical" feeling. Is it a bad thing? I personally do not think so. People with courage in love are always look up to in reality. Tell me, do you envy couples walking down the aisle and bluntly cheesy with each other? No?

People who are taking risk. Often entrepreneurs and successful business stories will tell you this. They will go the distant, not fearing of challenges, falls, criticism, stress and what I deemed most important, the bravery of leaving one's comfort zone. After running my own business for a bit, and putting it on the background, I realize I lack in this courageous sense to start it all over again. Of course, many would dive into the opportunities once the time is right, but the secret of really continuing a successful business is to have the courage of constantly changing with it. To leave your comfort zone and do something different would be a great start

People who think courage is simply. The one who has guts to chase after what they really want are most admirable. These would be dreams. Let it be financial success, stability in life or even to the silliest, fairy tale ending. Sometimes the process may seem a bit desperate, silly and frown upon but nevertheless credit given where it is due, people who are willing to take bigger steps are commendable. They are also the people who dare face their weakness, rejection and move on with greater wisdom. Often this simply feeling is suppressed due to expectations and how others view the taboo spirit that lies in simplicity - just courage. As usual, humans like to make things complicated. So when one is overtly expressive or just plain chasing after what he or she want, here comes one other person shooting that idea down, pinning it with a string of reasons, ideologies and aesthetic reasons that is probably redundant to even mention.

Last but not least, people who transcend bravery to courageously crazy. Take bungee jumping for example. From an extreme sport to free falling and cheating death ... That's my definition of courageously crazy. People who would wink at you at the bar, come by and land a passionate kiss on your lips and when he is done, smile back and walk away ... you are still dazzled over what happened. The main traits are, actions are so quick ... it blinds reality and awesomely at certain point make Hollywood scenes look really shallow. Good one word of summary : Exhilarating. Bad one word of summary : idiot - the case of Kanye West vs. Taylor Swift. I always wonder, where do people get this kinda courageously crazy ideas. The lack of it would definitely kill innovations and innovators, the people themselves.

So am I courageous?

You tell me ...

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Thai Ad - Disconnect to Connect

This advert says a lot about today's society. I hope friends that are close to me at heart seriously consider the severity of disconnecting present presence due to mobile addictions.

I salute the Thais for their bravery and creativity in creating such a meaningful advert.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

My next watch !?

I cannot believe I am doing this during marketing lecture. But we were talking about product differentiation and design. So, I googled and somehow found an interesting question. How come I like expensive stuff? For all the watched from Fortis ... I must like the one that is one of the most expensive.

Let me introduce you the Fortis Black & Black B-42, limited edition phantom watch. Notice that even the dial is "phantom"! Nice ~ Hehe

The other thing I like about this watch is that it is very exclusive. Only 2012 units available. Whether it is world wide or by country, I am still unsure yet. Cantik la! Compared to a Bell & Ross, I think I prefer this one.

Now, the only issue is locating the watch locally.

Friday, October 8, 2010

And so I am

The funny thing about first time meeting acquittance is that you are always very excited to see how friendship can grow out from introductions and sharing latest news. In the past, I had my bad encounters and equally very good ones too. The bad probably gets vaporized through time but the good ones, grows into great companionship that I will treasure.

My lately encounter with this particular pragmatic person was an eye opener as well as quite a heart ache. Although it was not that bad, a particular sensitive conversation that was brought onto the dinner table threw me off guard.

I was intentionally informed that I am sissified. A simply way of saying that I am sissy. Basically he questioned that I was not animated because I apparently am more dramatic and "rich" in my facial expression and body language. I know I have my "kung fu" moments, rolling eyes and so ... and that is because I was bred in art.

It's not that I feel bitter about it, but I am thinking that probably my demeanor was more accepted when I was younger and when you enter the workforce - such "richness" should be suppressed? An expectations or judgemental trait that I absolutely despised. So being a pragmatic zombie is more qualified to be "straighacting"?

I can't help but feel very insulted. I think to define and tag a person with that word is quite rude, impolite and seriously lack of vocabs, which reflects a person being judgmental, unemphatic and seriously in for a tight bitch slap. Although I absolutely hate it when people call me by names, I may let it pass if it is from a dear friend who had gone through damn fucking a lot with me. So, coming from others, I tend to be very obscenely silent. When I am silent, bad-negative thing is happening.

Perhaps being in a almost 7 years relationship had made me comfortable in my skin. So I guess that's what will happen if you are thrown out into the world. The encounter of course ended with "call me ya, we should go for more drinks!" and a reluctant smile was returned. Dramatically infused, richly faked.

A fact I have to accept, I probably will ignore his future invitations and flush out our encounter, no future for friendship to grow. But one things for sure will stay, his remarks.

On the opposite note, I really had lotsa fun eating at this place:

Dessert therapy ... hehe ... @ Iluma

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

In the MRT

I sat and watch, look and ponder
The gushing wind sound, railways and stations
I look and stare, the red white sandals at front
The imagination reminiscing or foretelling my impression?

I sat and sulk, sigh and hope
The ring lingers, the thought is bitter
I lost myself, again to daydreaming
The time is early, awaken by train station

I am still sitting, empty and tired
Unsure of reason, fatigue or over thinking
I sat and exhale, better and stronger
a hope I am holding to? or lying to myself?

I know the difference, wanting to be wanted
Inventing my own world, fantasy and story
I create that ending, loosely based
No one to fill in, disappears in thin air

I sat and sulk, awaken by friend
The same ol sound, the same ol thoughts
I wonder how, a month by months
The same ol thoughts, the same ol place

I invent my world, so frequent and vivid
The same invention, fallen at dreams
I reinvent the destroyed, only to be plagued
Am I silly, or is this contentment

I walk and exit, thinking about visits
Planning his intentions, fabrication of my story
I bit my lips, hopefully to be awaken
Anticipating the return, a never ending continuity

Monday, October 4, 2010

Couple @ KLIA

I was walking jadedly at KLIA today since Eagle and I had time to kill. Of course, temptation was everywhere ... Japanese carrying luxury items, boutiques mannequins waving at you trying to temp you at new arrivals and with my Korea trip approaching nearer by the day - my firewalls are being tested again to resist shopping for things I absolutely do not need.

One thing that caught my attention earlier today is a lovely straight couple who was at Burberry. She was wearing a blue Burberry polo tee, carrying at Gucci bag and some kind of branded scarf. He was in Ralph Lauren polo tee carrying a Burberry waist pouch which I always wanted and the Lacoste loafers which drool over from Bangkok to Malaysia and occasionally at Singapore. Don't get me wrong, I am not going to review or describe their fashion sense as both of the individual carry the brands pretty well. Articulate with style!

It was the chemistry between them that sparkle my interest to blog about the encounter. Their emotions and support for each other was not only visually vivid but sincere. The way she ask him questions, the way he answer back. The way he post his queries, the way she assist back. It was not pretentious and definitely fill with humble approach and stand. A very rare scene with the equation of people and luxury. It was like a normal down=to=earth couple just enjoying each other's company and being to afford luxury was a huge bonus in life.
Am I aiming for this?

I would say yes. Not to be shallow or something, but I guess the best way to enjoy the best things life is with the best people or company. My perspective of course

Anyway, I am so tired right now. Due to the fact that I am hard headed to save money - I took at 25min walk back to hotel. Deadly!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Plan ... Oct Revelation

Schedules schedules!

Most of us yuppies tend to have this. We either write it on a notepad, invest in a leather organizer, create a new excel sheet, download some iphone applications or PC software to facilitate this demand or some with photographic memory just uses their brain.

With mine saying that I have about 20minutes break time, it was either blogging or going through the long list of friends, messages and hearts at Fridae. I chose the first.

Today, I woke up earlier than usual just to prepare myself for a facial appointment. I had this huge, filled with yellow contamination zit just above my left cheek bone and it's getting obstructive with my vision. All right, irritating would be the right word but no I am no exaggerating. Have you ever felt some bumps just below your focal point, like some blur figure and when you move your hands/fingers towards it ... its actually an acne? Yeap, that's what I meant!

And with my emotional roller coaster ride just a few hours back, a facial would help ... at least on the surface. Literally and practically speaking

Anyway, so there I was lying down with my eyes close thinking that it would cost me again for this overdue facial service and next thing you know, 1 hour 15 minutes flew passed. I slept through the massage, pimple popping ...

This got me thinking. Planning is actually healthy to achieve what you want to achieve. But planning is actually bad for lifestyle. Why? Cos you tend to prioritize all the importance of life first. For example, it always start with work, commitment, family, friends and then the lifestyles ... The missing link is : you.

I realize this when I was having a great warm sensation of post-neck-massage that the last time I treated myself to something great - solely for my own body and soul ... was perhaps a year ago. Then I thought that it is absolutely ridiculous that I spend 5 days a week at work and 1 day at Uni for MBA and the last day not doing things for myself.

For once, I have a plan and objective in my life. I think the last was also about a year ago! Damn I am slow

Thus, from October onwards - a new revelation has dawn upon me
  1. I must be meticulous on my spending and financial - smartly recorded and spent
  2. I must balance life between work and play - frequently
  3. I must say no to things, people and desires that are conflictual with my objective
and most importantly

I must use my Sunday wisely for what my body and mind desire ...

OK, 2o minutes up! Time to conform myself to the scrutiny of MBA readers and scheduled lifestyle. Can't wait for it to end next year August