Sunday, February 27, 2005

Traces of life

Dont cry over spilled milk,

Never doubt your present self,

Live life as it is,
Live life as how you have govern it to be,
Live life with less hope and dreams

Minimize visions and hopes to reduce risk of future dissapointment,
as every confrontations will leave traces in your own life

Take every step slowly,
Take every move properlly,

Embrace your sadness,
Comfort your confusions,
and leave off dark emotions,

I have left a scar on my wound again,
As far as i see it, i think i can't blame anyone for it.

-mode- singular monogamous lonely
-song- Hai Pa, LinJunJie

Friday, February 25, 2005


Life is a journey by itself many cannot define its course,
Life is a journey where many seek their own identity,
Life is many of joy, pain as well as challenges,
with that,
Life is much more stronger when you have close friends.

Live life with your expressions,
Live life with your present emotions,
Live life with little expectations,
with that,
Living life would be easier.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Power of No.4

This four days has been quite fun and i would say calm for me. I have so far achieved many things in this digit, the number 4:

four days without smoking!
party of four (soong sisters and me) being happy go lucky without stress!
my bunch of bitches gang of 4 ...
four amazing wonderful lecturers for my new unit course!
four days of workout - i feel so well toned at the moment
four new CDs! hahaha ... the A*Mei new CD sounds horrible~
four days of non stop meeting my sisters :)
four days of CNY cookies (there goes the gym)
four fav-most-repeated tracks from Stephanie Sun's new album which repeatly has healed me
four days of stomach pain - which is still unavoidable
four days of peace and calm finnaly after a horendous week of pain and misery

Of course that all ends quite quickly. Reasons? Dont ask me! I also dont know! Man life this year is just hard! Plain hard!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Best Days

Decisions are finalized, hopefully better days are on the way. So far, everything seem to look brighter and clearer! Final results might be cruel but at least our end can be considered beautiful and it seems like our healing period can be done together. I am glad i had a wonderful and beautiful past year. Know what you want and aim for it. Be happy and better, then life its worth living every minute!

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Best Love

While constantine is busy dealing with demons on screen, i was busy dealing with devils as well. Some devil called love-emotion-break-down was on the loose and defeating it was way more difficult than i thought. Begin to so-called transform myself to a different personal as it was required to defeat the "devil". With constant lost from the battle, i would have to declare that the devil has won. But with the help of my best friends, i manage to flea with my breath and heartbeat which i was told by my friends "You're lucky!"

The road of love i would pre-call it: ended. Unanswered calls, battling alone and preasured by many personal factors and let there be more; i have fallen. If it wasnt my friends, life would have ended. Thanks guys~

Thank you for driving me around in the midnight to search for an audio CD, thank you for bringing me to a place with dumb funny music, thank you for the wonderful "pedicure" swimming dip, thank you for your patience, thank you thank you. A friend that would go the distance for you, is the best love. Thus, why need one love that is undescribably bad?
-more- a lil more relax

Math Equation

One person + one person,
you should be getting extra love, happiness, comfort, joy & solitude


One person + one person, and you get
stress, pain, misery, uncertainty, worriness & tears
you should minus one person out

Me Smoking

Due to major stress and what so ever reason i have, i started smoking - REALLY started. Less than 5 hours, more than 10 sticks. Not good indeed.

Used to hate puff'/smoke but finally realise why people do it. These few day has been one of the most horrendous days of my entire life; juggling love. Due to that, comfort from friends were a little unhelpful, thus i turn to something that wont reply me: my blog and none other: smoking. I know the bad reviews about it but I am optimistic about it in some ways which is not good indeed.

Amazingly, it keeps you calm and strong. No tears shedded and no extreme heart-ache nor there is major mind bobbling thinking, analysing what is right or wrong. But of course with that, there is a price to pay: health. I know i m looking for trouble. I can already begin to felt the financial burden for buying ciggrattes (which is not bloody cheap) and my body starting to fuel for more. Not good indeed

Overall conclusion, smoking is bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. But yah i still do it. Not a right move but i suppose its ok and at the end of the day, i am ok (emotionally that is) ! My thinking is some what fucked up, and so am i to evaluate why should i smoke - not good indeed.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Wo de ai

My love,
My love ...

Two also my love
Can decision made and changed last minute>?
One will hurt
The other also will hurt
Tell me what should i do?
Screaming doesnt help
Tearing doesnt help
Confrontation was almost as worst
I finnally understand why people kill themselves at times

I know a year from now, When i look back
I will know how silly i am
I suppose thats the way people grow up
Making mistakes all their lives...

So what should i still do?
What should i be doing?


It's about time ...

I suppose I try doing too much, tried too hard and sacrificing more for my friends. Sometimes i do feel that I am not loved. Still I always wanted to try ... to make everyone happy including myself.

I suppose its about time I stop doing something like that. Starting to find it irritating.

Dark Days

Sitting in front of my PC and deleting previous posts while listening to dampening lyrics by Stephanie Sun and ZHui Mei, I finnally declared that I am not myself. I am no longer my usual self.

A stagnant wind blows,
Blows away some of the most beautiful times,
Gone the days of bright joy,
Once beautiful,
Now uncertain...

Lying with my eyes widely open, thinking the whole night. Then, getting stuck in an early jam to school while chewing on dougnuts, having a blank mind all the way, and seeing the ugly side of Limkokwing again was not how I would picture my registration day. Sad case ...

Stuck in this mood, I hate myself for making many uncertain and perhaps unnecessary decisions But I have to be true to myself and others. I cannot try and make things work for everyone!

Thus, I've invited trouble ... to my mind and heart. Its not about facing problems but I have currently believe that I have threw away something I was once comfortable with and very much in loved with.

Perhaps this is a step some people take to grow up.

I suppose its my turn ~ Life shucks. My day ended. Thank you guys for being with me. Especially my dearest friend; Jimmy, Diana, Eva, Damaris and The Soongs

It's bout time

I suppose i do too much, tried too hard and sacrificing for my friends. Sometimes i do feel that i am not loved. Always have been trying ... to make everyone happy including myself.

I suppose its bout time i stop doing something like that. Starting to find it irritating.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Fucked Up!

Bloody hell - its 4 in the morning!

I should be sleeping and this is only the 2nd day... AGHHHHHHH I am so fucked up or should I say I am fucking my brains out~

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Cooling Off

Made a harsh decision with my lover to chill things off. This would be the 1st time we wont be chatting as often or meeting up in our 1 year almost everyday-meet routine.I really needed space and time to think alone. My lover's presence will only affect my decision making.Man i hate when negative things appear all in a sudden - jeopardizing everything i ever have. But of course, hardly anyone usually get what they want or need.

This is gonna be hard ...