Thursday, September 30, 2010

Any stronger dosage of pain killer?

As I wait for time to fly pass, I realize I have been tossing in bed with a wondering mind for the past hour. Although it felt like a millennium years ... I couldn't help but feel like talking to someone. I think it is the little voice in me crying to be heard but as usual at this ungodly hour, it would be most inappropriate to call anyone. You might as well just give'em a heart attack and probably get banned for life for calling.

And so here I am, hoping that talking into the electronic air - via my blog - would be the best alternative I have for now. It is actually not that bad, since I am not exactly writing a professional review or business report. Considering that I write the way I speak, hopefully to exude the way I feel or think properly, "talking" to cyber space is not such a bad idea for instant company and expressions.

These past few days have been nothing but one word : tiresome. In all aspect, emotional, work and life. Got me thinking about future, plans, objectives and dreams. With thoughts wonder afar every night before I sleep and also a suspected bad mattress, I wake up feeling dizzy and lazy the next morning. At good times, its just overnight fatigue. At bad times, painful neck all day or worse, lingering nausea feeling. With added work stress and not to mentioned the roller coaster ride then after, life couldn't be more "lovely" and perhaps is the answer to why I lost weight.

I think I yap too much. Meaningless post again to end the last day of the month. Amazing I would say. The year swing by so quickly and now we are at the last of the quarter for year 2010 and again I question my achievements so far. I shall stop my ramblings because I feel so restless right now and probably can blog a novel. I think I am just full with complains.

or I could be just plain ol overtly tired after a day trip of work - driving, walking and talking, a night of pillow talks which dragged my inflamed throat across grills and pizzas. Even Manuka honey can't save my soul now ...


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Again, another female boss

How do you know when you can go through another day at work after a series of accusations, unappreciative gestures and a whole lots of stress?

When your immediate boss calls you and listen to you. By doing so, I realise how powerful bosses can be at times. They can assert pressure, impose rules and demand expectations but as long as they do not cross the line in being unprofessional and release their inner demon as if when you sign the job offer, you signed to be their personal punching bag too ... life at work can be managed.

That is the difference I felt between my boss and some "other bosses". If you guys follow my tweets, I believe some of you know what happened to me at the office yesterday.

I don't want to be sexist but I do feel that lady bosses are quite exquisitely fragile in EQ empathy. Read the lines carefully before you start bombarding me with feminist, one-sided commentaries ya!

What I am trying to say, or so to summarize and save everyone the trouble is that female bosses or seniors tend to be very defensive and autocratic. At least that is how I felt through my experience in both having female senior and bosses. With the newly elected manager for marketing and comm for one of our clientel and after meeting with her for only 10 min, I dare to say ... it is definitely a problem to work closely and effectively with this gender, when they are empowered and vulnerable to all aspect of risk. Risk of discussion, Risk of failure, Risk of being looked down, Risk of being challenged, Risk of looking bad and the list goes on.

That said, I met wonderful women bosses who assert leadership with admiration, praises and walk the talk with such grace, respect and honour. Dramatic I know! But made possible by most of these extreme female senior or bosses bully cases outside. Bully in the terms of demotivating and becomes a gossip topic for bitches like me to ramble and share about!

Of course males have their downfalls too but I have good experience with male counterparts so far. NAH NAH! DIRTY THINKING asides ya! :P

Saturday, September 25, 2010

RiRi and Kylie

How How? Exam in a few hours time ... and here I am ... grooving to this two new song!

Rihanna - Only girl in the world

Kylie - Get outta my way

Both gives me goose bumps but damn, I love the songs. Hope the club starts remixing this two songs.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Invisible wishlist item - SLASHED!

The week flew pass! It really did. I had a string of projects on my table and for the first time since I started work, I was determine to deliver results and get feedbacks before my long holiday. Yeap, my hardwork attending to work while everyone was away on public holiday earned me the long weekend. I had my thursday and friday off from work

Although occasionally I had to pick up calls and entertain work, I spend most of my time doing mainly the things I wanted to do all month. I know I sound like an aunty who is probably "ku lao" - traditionalist in definition -, I went to the temple with my mum and dad, spend quality time with them the whole morning-late afternoon yesterday and when it was about time to study, I dread myself to open the thick textbook and read up on technical systems, jargons and case studies. Even when it was time to have drinks with my best buddies, MK and Caffeinne Sunbear, I took the liberty to bring my books and quickly note my points, while multitasking to hearing their stories and gossips.

As for today? I spend the entire day running around. Settling my Unifi installation (say hello to fast internet streaming), changed my mobile no. to a principal plan, had my ATM card problem fixed at the bank, running around Sgor and finally picking up this :

Yeap. My new gadget and latest camera toy. It's the Fujifilm Instant Camera I bought. I love polaroid pictures, instant pictures. There is just something about snapping the picture, seeing a blank photo slowly transforming into vivid mementos that probably only have one copy in time. It's just really cool ... The camera only cost a couple of hundreds (RM200 ++ retail price) but the costly investments comes from the instant film that you have to buy. It is about RM35 for 10pieces of polaroid pics. By the way, once you hit the shutter button ... there is no turning back. If unlucky, its like cutting a RM3.50 note with a scissors!

Fortunately ... I have contacts to get'em cheaper. Marginally ... but better than nothing ~

I am so bringing this fun new toy to Korea. Actually I bought it for Korea ... I just hope I can find some cute stickers to decorate my bue. Yeap, I name my camera bue. Nyek nyek nyek

I shall stop boasting and start planning about my strategy in tackling the questions for MIS exam tomorrow since I kinda like slack and lag in my revision for the subject. So much for taking my leave to prep for exam! Not that I really care about it since it is an open book exam ... But I really hope my brain and writing brain cells can work efficiently and effectively tomorrow.

They must, or I will rely on last-minute prayers to get through the 3 hours long exam period

Monday, September 20, 2010

Katy Perry - Not like the movies

A great slow song from her new album. The perfect dedication

He put it on me, I put it on,
Like there was nothing wrong.
It didn't fit,
It wasn't right.
Wasn't just the size.
They say you know,
When you know.
I don't know.

I didn't feel
The fairytale feeling, no.
Am I a stupid girl
For even dreaming that I could.

If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be, yeah.
When he's the one,
I'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning
And that's just the beginning, yeah.

Snow white said when I was young,
"One day my prince will come."
So I wait for that date.
They say its hard to meet your match,
Find my better half.
So we make perfect shapes.
If stars don't align,
If it doesn't stop time,
If you cant see the sign,
Wait for it.
One hundred percent,
With every penny spent.
He'll be the one that,
Finishes your sentences.

If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be.
When he's the one,
He'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning,
And thats just the beginning.

'Cause I know you're out there,
And your, your love came for me.
It's a crazy idea that you were made,
Perfectly for me you'll see.

Just like the movies.
That's how it will be.
Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending.
It's not like the movies,
But that's how it will be.
When he's the one,
You'll come undone,
And your world will stop spinning,
And it's just the beginning.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The missing piece

As I inhale the aromatic jasmine scent from my incense burning at the corner of my table and sip my warm milo, I can't help but feel happy for LY who just got married today. She told me that her husband and her had been together for 10 years, marked and they live their life quite in separate ideologies but rather do it together and legally - FINALLY!

Well said and practice when LY doesn't mind her husband going around tables cheer-rings without her, KTV without her, hanging out with his buddies after the dinner without her. To my surprise, LY can do the same ... and she did. Kinda awesome to find how they fit into each others' life so simply.

I am awed, struck by the idea how two different people can live together. Good teaching in life about adaptation and acceptance. And so I became anti social, leaving them to post-parties and post-drinking activities. As I drive down LDP with lightning and thunders occasionally lighting the skies ... it began to pour moderately, modestly and melancholy. Three years ago, somewhere between the same time ... I was driving down the same road, teary ... waiting to crash my car into something but I didn't. So did tonight. I arrived home safely.

As I applied my pore refining serum after shower, I can't help but miss a dear friend. A lot of things run thru my head in the 40min drive home. The puzzle continues in the shower and somehow, a deeply buried feeling was raised. I feel stagnant ... and I keep hearing his voice. His voice of asking me to be me. Just me, a happy me.

A dear friend who had went missing after his departure to Japan from US. A Malaysian friend who I called Ah Wei. I really do not know where he is now, how is he and to be honest, if he still around. I miss hugging him and definitely miss him telling me that one day I will be someone special, but I have to stop crying. In his terms, being sad and depress. Lately, that kinda feeling come and goes - making me feel very unstable and in constant need for company.

I really do miss Ah Wei.

As the thunder roars and I can hear Ah Foo busy himself downstairs, probably afraid of the echoes. My eyes are half-closed now. It happens when I refuse to face my problems, subjecting to the solution of sleeping on it.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

A conversation with Hot Chef

I probably shared the same idea as this friend who told me that love is choice. To love with requirements, is to use the requirements to valid an exit in the future. To love with desire, is to use the desire to fall out of love when it is obsolete or absence. To love unconditionally, is to love blindly, almost impossible and in some perspective, filled with vulgarity and obscenity.

Being human, it is inevitable that most of us face the cruelty of love. You either fall into the category of no longer wanting to be with that someone, or that someone no longer want to be with you. Just like a sea breeze that can sail a ship, the little devil feeling that is developed can multiple into a wave of disappointment, depression, complaints and without you knowing, soon there will be pointing fingers, hurt, drunken, sober and the cycle continues.

So, what do we really want? Is it true that it is better to be loved than love? Is it true that love should just flow like a running tap water until someone closes it? Does love deserve the sacrifice, the gutting of self emotional, the fasting of soul and expressions ... just to at the end, subject love to scrutiny of society, personal judgments, eruption of tears? At the end, abjection of the death of being together ...

I finally understood what keeps couples committed. Hope. Hope that all will end well. Hope that all bad will past. Hope that your partner never dies in hoping the same, in feeling the butterflies in tummy for as long as it takes, in forgiving, in being everything and nothing and hopefully, just hopefully ... hoping back the same.

Complicated as it is, we both concluded that love should just be easy. Love should just be coming home, feeling good, closing one eye and living the rest of your life together.

I really do not know what to feel after that conversation but I like going home. Home where the heart hurts, heals and comforts. That's really a something conversation eh?

New strap-on replacement. Why are accessories so costly nowadays? Pic edited to look vintage.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Bad Boss Traits

Here are the checklist to know if your boss is delusional, misdirected and worth questioning his leadership

  1. He starts believing that his achievements is his own, solely his, only his and to be his in the future
  2. He mistreat his workers, expecting them to sell their soul to his company
  3. He runs his company without international standards or basic organization system
  4. He immensely is into profit only, money comes first ... then cash, then monetary benefits
  5. He lay human assets to rest
  6. He does not face the reality that his products are not superior and strongly will not change for the better
  7. He employs monkeys and expect senior managers to listen, obey and in return, re-instruct back the monkeys to work
  8. He calls you a dog without knowing the long term impact, taunt and trauma one will face
  9. He dismissed any solution, ideas or suggestions that seem like risk to his business continuation plan (if he even has one)
  10. He is hard headed believing that no one will replace his influence and creations in the industry
  11. He reads and follow his emails, but do not act on them
  12. He does not take responsibilities for the failure of performance, adherence to work standards and disciplinary deliverable of his pupils
  13. He is white, therefore he is superior among all
  14. He expects the company to grow without funding, senior exec leadership and below the line products
  15. He hears you but you MUST listen to him
  16. He is clueless about your background, achievable and uses personal time to spearhead ideologies in work rather than building relationship ties
  17. He offers heaven but provides hell
  18. He enforce and preach ideologies than practice and teach
  19. He complains more than he suggest, he criticize more than he compliments, he comments more than he assist
  20. He idolize the wrong kind of business model.
Does your boss have those traits?

Ok, maybe I am just a bit emotional. Just thinking about the experience a close friend of mine shared earlier over lunch. Hmmm ....

Back to work!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Shattering Poem

I do believe I fail someone. Tried very hard to be that someone but still faltered. Deeply twisted, deeply kept.

Always uncertain. Always afraid to show expression, always fearful and always worried. Life is short enough, but still I choose to live in shadow, casting them aside would be nothing, meaningless and innocently guilty.

Running waters, crying seas. It's easy to walk off the path but how come there are no peace, guide and support as thee has said, promise and shine on others. How come the mystery of being a fool is being chased

I do believe I took it for granted. Have I stop trying? Doubt and without the arms. Fallen

Plea for the hands to lead me through. I could not bear the falling out, fired scarring old wounds. Torn souls, heaven forbids. Messed up and I told you so

Reasons of being depress and wondering afar. Granted


I like writing aimlessly, just letting my head and heart take over once a while. Breathing though feelings and dropping inks as I go. No structure, no objectives just plain expressions from me. I hope I am not boring you guys. Anyway, moods have been up and down lately, like an old sad piece of piano playing.

Time to go and munch on

They say chocolates make you happy. Ironically, bitter chocolate makes me feel better. Bitter ... lol

Saturday, September 11, 2010

BAD formulas all over

I know I have a problem with shopping. I would like to believe it is just a phase in my life. I was build in a way to give myself reason in buying things. Positive note, I keep the economic running. Negative note, the economic hasn't been kind "enough" to me ... yet. Period

So I told myself to have a budget, which fluctuates according to singapore currency (since I travel and buy things there, compulsively) and to my debts, to contra any insurance payment or bills. This month, I am definitely down by a few hundreds due to out-of-pocket responsibilities. But I manage to get some good savings and since MK is not around, and Caffeine Sunbear is busy ... I had to immerse myself in something to avoid depression ... erm ... not excuses k! therefore the last minute retail therapy today

Since I had to work half day today, to support and chinese terminology "show face" at one of client's place on a public holiday. It made my compulsiveness to shop worsen. Adding oil into fire, metaphorically referring it to my wallet - or credit card, burning a hole in them ... I had an hour off to walk around the book fair upstairs of Aquaria, KLCCC. BAD BAD FAIR!

The formula to have cheap books + impulse buying + peer pressure = surely spend money. Then to have DVD and CDs + cheap + limited + impulse buying + peer pressure = to surely spend more money!

Then, with my "cosmetic" replenishment which is so necessary THAT is valid reason to spend but falling into a marketing gimmick ... purchasing extra stuff on top of my valid reason, suddenly I felt myself pumping finance into the monetary system again.

So, here I am ... sitting down arranging my newly bought stuff;

3 Cds, 2 DVD box sets, 4 books, 1 facial serum, 1 facial cleanser and 1 lip gloss. Total spent; RM650 ... not that bad rite?

Another bad formula ... taglines like dream + imagination + showcase + diva actress = surely spend money at cinema and DVD release...

This is what I meant!!!

I know! Christina Aguilera FIRST MOVIE! *SCREAMS* JUMP UP AND DOWN

Friday, September 10, 2010

Blogging from E71 sucks

I am back in Malaysia. It was kinda weird to stare out of the bus today and see that the highway was mostly clear. Not as jam as I would thought of. Perhaps it was the trip south back to the city.

I am gonna be happy and busy tonight, since I bought a memory card and the harvest moon game for my PS2. Feel like rekindling my childhood memory of setting up a farm.

I am blogging from my phone, hijacking wifi from mcd at summit. Since mum and sister is busy, I took dad out for bonding. Was in the mood of giving so here I am at Ayam Penyet Ria buying dad dinner. I also did some shopping for dvds for the family. Bought them entertainment ... Haha what a son rite???

Hate blogging from my phone. sigh

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Katy Perry - Teenage Dreams

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Need help - Furry Friends Farm

I have been busy the past weekend. Yeap, nothing new you would say but I want everyone who reads my blog know about something that happened last Sunday. It was a Sunday where I skipped my MBA (rare and surprising occasion yea?), to spend time with Dogs. It started my sending my own dog to the vet, getting him treated for a skin allergy. After wrestling him to sit still in the car with one hand and the other controlling the steering, at most time asking him to shut up and just sit still, occasionally moving my view from the highway to the back mirror to take note of the boy - I finally reached the Vet clinic in one piece. Fortunately, his energy was drained and the trip back was more peaceful.

That was nothing compared to what I did later in the afternoon. K and I went shopping! For a lot of dog food and ended up doing volunteering work at a dog shelter in Kundang. Unlike SPCA and PAWS, the dogs here are not put to sleep. To date, I believe there are more than 200 dogs freely in the farm.

The story there is devastating. With dogs constantly fighting with each other for food - often ended up in blood bath, resting under the rain and heavy sun due to lack of roof shelter, sleeping among dog poo and pee, smelly dogs that haven't been bathed for ages, aging dogs coming down with disease, lack of food source, water source, cleaning works ... bla bla bla and the sad depressing stories continue.

You so gotta be there to feel it. The moment I stepped in, I teared but I told myself to hold back all the unnecessary emotions and start getting to work. For the next few hours, I gave massages to dogs, gave baths to dogs, fed them, washed their dirty dishes, cleared a drain filled and stucked with dry leaves and poo poo, clean their den and re"design" a new hang out place for them with K. Yeap, K has a serious OCD thinge going on that day. If volunteering work was allowed pass night time, he would have slept with the 200 dogs! True dog lover ... SALUTE! SALUTE!

To add, if you guys remember the pulau ketam case where many dogs were abandon at this island where they kill themselves for food, left to die and even to serve as victim to poisonous snakes ... the survivors are hosted at this very shelter. I was shocked and bewildered to find cocker spaniel breeds (two of them) in this group of cruelty. Obvious dumping by irresponsible and FUCKED UP guardians. May karma fall upon them for their cruelty! Go google how cocker spaniel look like ... you will be awed yourselves! click here to see the breed yourselves!

When I left the place, I made friends with both human volunteers and personally got attached to meimei, dodo, arthur, yoyo, bunny-wabbit, walnut, wongchoi, sipu-look-alike, scratched by ah fok and so many more! Yeap, those are dog names ~

For more info please spread your kindness at :

The next round, probably end of this month ... I am going again. Please spare your kindness and help donate food. One RM can give a dog food for one day. One packet of dog food cost merely RM50 and you give the dog 50days of life or 50 dogs a day without hunger.

I again plea all my readers to help. Dogs there are not put to sleep ... the ugly truth is, other shelters do! Help the dogs ...

To end this post, picture of MeowMeow ... the dog that was blinded and I bathed him. I don't think anyone notice how heartbroken when another volunteer and I found that he has a missing eye and had to carefully bath him. His owners threw him out the house and was rescued by Sabrina, owner of Furry Friends.

I should stop, cos I end up cursing those irresponsible owners ... *teary eyes again*

Thursday, September 2, 2010

That's all it hurts

The funny thing about friends is that they notice every bit of you. The way you look, the way you dress and definitely the way you talk. Some are good in guessing, some friends are just natural telepathic geniuses and some are plain ol Janes, sitting and carefully listening. Today, a friend told me that I need to shut out a particular topic because I was immensely relating it in every 80% of the stuff that comes out my mouth. It was getting annoying.

Honestly ... I cannot help it. Sometimes it slips off my mind and blurts out my mouth but most times it just lingers around, sitting on top of my lips. Therefore, I would like to take this chance to pass my apologies to all the great listening friends for enduring my repetitive ramblings.

One great warning ... I am not sure this will stop. One nice quote that I told my friend which got him shaking his head and rolling his eyes was "the perfect ones usually end up short-lived with no great stories to tell, while the darker ones that brave through the impossibles ended up with blissful memories - perhaps only that". He replied "truth are usually ugly"

If it is so true ... then how come people tend to shield themselves from confronting such situations? It's not like Pandora box or something ... rite?

Ok ... Too much Old Town and stuffed thoughts. I miss the rainforest already...