Thursday, April 30, 2009
Eva ... you should watch this with me...
After a whole day of activities, it's time to call it the day and live tomorrow better than before. Starting off with ... YOGA!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I steady stood up and did a few stretching exercises. It didn't help. My trouble mind still wonders. I am restless. Enough I thought. Let's get to the bottom of this and solve this feeling. Ever since last saturday's incident, my life have been tossed around. I am constantly evaluating my life till the extend that stress can just pop at any time, headache then heartache follows and I decide to just sleep it away. Waste of time, unproductive ... then more stress came.
I want to grow out of it but I do not know how. I find ways to ignore it , overcome it and even till the extend where I totally shove it aside but yet the same feeling comes back after every fall, and it comes stronger each time, and I grew weaker each time. The feeling worsen when I look at my ATM balance. Fuck ... I tell myself
Why am I feeling this way? Why do I give myself such a hard time? I finally found the answer to all of these unforgiving, uncomfortable and uncalled situation. I am not content ... I am not content with my achievement ever since I graduated and I am not content with myself. I am not content with life and I am never going to be until I get what I want. I hate where I am standing now ... and I seriously wish I could reverse time and do it differently. But I cannot. So move on ...
The problem was not with what I am doing, BUT what I have become. I feel as if I wasted the past 2 years of my life doing something I didn't like doing. What was I thinking venturing into the corporate world and abandoning my dream or passion? Was I blinded by peer pressure craving for financial stability and freedom of capitalism? Was I driven by the climb of corporate world believing that it would earn more than it harms? I seriously do not know the answers ... but I am beginning to realize something else instead.A revelation. A revelation brewing in me. I want to achieve my dream and I will go the distant to do it, with or without any help ... with or without support. I am going to work harder each day, better each time and stronger each minute.
I hunger for the achievement and I want that recognition. I believe I should deserve it after all the hard work. I want to regain my confidence and courage and I know I can only do so by achieving my dream. Whether it is in terms of modeling, acting, talent, art direction or even production ... I will take bigger and more drastic steps. I want to be able to sleep soundly, dreaming of walking the walk ... and feel good when I wake up. I want to be able to genuinely smile on daily basis and meant it.
This may put smiles on some people face and the opposite on others. I guess at the end of it, I only have myself to answer to ... and I want to believe that I deserve every bit of success and comfort ... because it is only right for a human to feel that way. So ... no matter how down I am and what a loser I have become - The show must go on ... life move on ...
It has to ...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Ever notice that you can't actually drive without having your eyes hurt by the heat or sunlight? Ever wonder why the wind feels like a dessert breeze? Ever wonder why leather and car seats burn your bump everytime you are in a car? Ever wonder why you sweat even if you are under a fan indoor, shelter from the heat? Ever wonder why your clothes and pillow are warm even they are inside the house? Of course, provided you tak ada air cond on la!
I am in my room and I could feel the heat wave hitting me everytime I am near a window. The direct sun light burns. Gosh ...
This world needs more cool air or perhaps the Sun should rest a lil and go for a vacation.
Monday, April 20, 2009
I guess the results are slow to show or rather small in achievements. Perhaps my research and objective direction is flawed. Perhaps my expectation is deniable. Perhaps my certainty is unstable. Perhaps my courage and enthusiasm is delusional. Perhaps my goal and dream is way beyond my own means.
Should I put a pillow up my head and think, reconsider my course of action?
Monday, April 13, 2009
Mum : Boy, Mummy and Dad plan to help Ah Yee (aunt from singapore) to take care of this girl who needed some help with accommodation, since her dad is no longer around and her mother had to work in UK to further support the family.
Me : Ok, but for how long?
Mum : Some time I guess. As long as we could loh
Me : Wah. Ok...
Mum : Of course her mum will be paying a sum of money *amount* and also some expenditure for her stay with us
Me : That's quite a good amount
Mum : I agreed, that's why dad and I plan to ask you and your sisters for some help.
Me : Where is she going to sleep then?
Mum : Dad and I plan to move some cupboards from your sister's room into yours and turn your room into some kinda study-cum-wardrobe area.
Me : and I am going to be sleeping at???
Mum : You can stay at K's place rite?
Me : With opened eyes, Yes ... I can stay at his place.
Mum : You think he mind you moving in with him?
Me : Erm ... I need to ask him lo but I guess he has no problems
Mum : Good! It is decided then ...
Me : OK
Mum : Now let me tell you more about this lovely girl .... continue with stories
I wonder ... is this a coincidence, acknowledgement of some sort or some kinda plan to just kick me out of my comfort zone being at home? Either way, I have to ask K's permission to move in with him ... but something tells me that he totally dont mind! Haha
Monday, April 6, 2009
Found this post pending in the draft section. I took this test last week and the results turned out to be quite true. What do you think?
Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
If you are interested in getting a test for yourself, try it here : http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx