Sunday, November 11, 2007
Clement's Farewell
For more photos, you can also visit the link below ... Photos are available upon request. Cheers!
http://www.osmansany.com/josh
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Another lost ... the last heart
It has been a great journey. I was away from Internet, "learning new things" without any influence. Thinking back, this year was one of the most painful years. K was right ... A lot of lost. I lost my relationship about two months ago, I lost someone I really love and care, I lost some close friends, I lost my pets and the most severe ... was losing myself, directions, thoughts and purpose in life. The past 10 months especially the the past 7 weeks was filled with misery, pain, hurt and loneliness. A lot of sacrifice were made and a lot of tears shed. But that's all in the past. All the loss have made me realize a lot of things in life. Loss ... a fresh new start. What is important, what is not, who is and how to live my life ... the way I want, the happy way... the content way ... the way things should have been ...
One things for sure, I am not going to let anyone, including myself to hurt me ... enough is enough. Some might find it cruel ... but I really do no need another stab, again ... enough is enough.
I know that when you write something here or do anything at all, there is always a cause and effect. I guess that's life. But what the heck ... when I started this blog, I wanted to my friends, people around me and readers to just know who and what I am doing in my life. But I realize after a series of events, it doesn't matter what you write ... it's people choice to choose to believe or care. It's only human. No expectation ... but that's life. At the end of the day, everyone just want the best for themselves. Selfish ... for your own good ... something I am finding hard to accept but it is the truth anyway.
During my entire life, I tried being that person where I can "spread the love", especially to people I truly care, especially friends since I never had them since high school ... I want to be that person everyone care and look up to. Friends calling me for this and that. But it never really happened. Naive eh? I admit, I was giving myself too much stress. Unecessary ones!
I guess I never really knew how to deal with people - relationship or friendship. Never knew how to deal with problems that comes with it. I rather keep everything to myself and solve it without getting friends worried, without being judge and without causing any pain. A fear I should have face long time ago. All I wanted was everyone to be happy ... and then it dawns upon you that you are not god ... you can't control everything. When I finally found that special person ... I didn't want to lose him, and I did many things to myself ... thinking it would all go away. Believing the false, being blinded and long story cut short, everything that has happened taught me something more than life.
Of course things got rocky and I started to learn to share with friends. Tell them everything, share the pain and the effect was scary. Some friends choose to distant me, some started judging me and some even hate me. You can say anything you want, but at the end ... I felt it, and it was genuine. It was hard to deal with ... lost a few, gain a few. Well, I am still positive about what happened. Like Ta Ge and Er Ge both said, now you know who you should love more and those that loved you unconditionally. Truly, it was an eye opener. Both filled with disappointments and happiness.
I guess the most important is what I have learned ... should I say still learning?
Ya ... you may already know this. But saying is so much easier than doing. Life is not just about knowing. To certain degree, it is about making room for understanding and then taking the extra effort to face and deal with it. Then how you deal with it requires you to think with your mind, heart and soul whether is it the right or wrong way to deal with it. Why? The process doesn't just involve you ... it involves people around you, family, friends and loved ones. Its not only about yourself. If you are caring ... then taking others' into consideration without judging them counts. Something I regret not doing in the past. Being responsible for what you have done and accept the fact that the consequences in life is very very cruel and I learn that the hard way ... but to be able to move on for a better direction, the right direction is something many would not choose to do.
I accept whatever that will come in the future. I went through a lot ... those who had been around me knows and I know you guys are asking me to take a break. I promise you ... I am and I will ... What's the point of saying things over and over again, asking the same questions over and over again and hurting myself over and over again ... when at the end, the uncertainty is there and you can't control it.
We never know what will happen tomorrow. Better to just do it ...
One things for sure, I am not going to let anyone, including myself to hurt me ... enough is enough. Some might find it cruel ... but I really do no need another stab, again ... enough is enough.
I know that when you write something here or do anything at all, there is always a cause and effect. I guess that's life. But what the heck ... when I started this blog, I wanted to my friends, people around me and readers to just know who and what I am doing in my life. But I realize after a series of events, it doesn't matter what you write ... it's people choice to choose to believe or care. It's only human. No expectation ... but that's life. At the end of the day, everyone just want the best for themselves. Selfish ... for your own good ... something I am finding hard to accept but it is the truth anyway.
During my entire life, I tried being that person where I can "spread the love", especially to people I truly care, especially friends since I never had them since high school ... I want to be that person everyone care and look up to. Friends calling me for this and that. But it never really happened. Naive eh? I admit, I was giving myself too much stress. Unecessary ones!
Of course things got rocky and I started to learn to share with friends. Tell them everything, share the pain and the effect was scary. Some friends choose to distant me, some started judging me and some even hate me. You can say anything you want, but at the end ... I felt it, and it was genuine. It was hard to deal with ... lost a few, gain a few. Well, I am still positive about what happened. Like Ta Ge and Er Ge both said, now you know who you should love more and those that loved you unconditionally. Truly, it was an eye opener. Both filled with disappointments and happiness.
I guess the most important is what I have learned ... should I say still learning?
Ya ... you may already know this. But saying is so much easier than doing. Life is not just about knowing. To certain degree, it is about making room for understanding and then taking the extra effort to face and deal with it. Then how you deal with it requires you to think with your mind, heart and soul whether is it the right or wrong way to deal with it. Why? The process doesn't just involve you ... it involves people around you, family, friends and loved ones. Its not only about yourself. If you are caring ... then taking others' into consideration without judging them counts. Something I regret not doing in the past. Being responsible for what you have done and accept the fact that the consequences in life is very very cruel and I learn that the hard way ... but to be able to move on for a better direction, the right direction is something many would not choose to do.
I accept whatever that will come in the future. I went through a lot ... those who had been around me knows and I know you guys are asking me to take a break. I promise you ... I am and I will ... What's the point of saying things over and over again, asking the same questions over and over again and hurting myself over and over again ... when at the end, the uncertainty is there and you can't control it.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Blanko
I spend the weekends with great companies. As usual, being me ... I tend to digest everything and reflect myself in any possible situation. A hobby I found, self improvement. I realize something new every time someone said something.
- Giving up meant losing something important
- By being afraid, you have expose yourself to a weak point
- Being stronger doesn't mean you are more responsible
- If you are happy doesn't mean you are content
- One things for sure, if you have a heart of stone, you are emotionless
- Sensible humans do things that will not hurt themselves
- Humans are selfish. Great friends are not
- If you love a person more, it hurts more.
- If you are the one being love, you have more power.
- By Eva, loving someone ... you are opening yourself to hurt and pain. It's an inevitable package
I guess "mat yeah de yao tat lei kong". Everything also can be said. It really depends on the individual. But one things for sure, life is like a circle. For everything bad, comes a good. For every love, comes a hate. For every contentment in life, comes disappointments. For every pain, comes a better day. It's not how you feel at the end of the day but it's how you deal with it.
After the whole episode of my infidelity, I realize that you owe yourself a good exploration and self learning process. If it hurts every bit to travel along the road ... it means you are still human, a respectable one. Thank you my friends for reminding me this. Some people took their whole lifetime to understand that fact. Some may not even have to go through it. Some may realize it only in their fifties. But well, everyone is different. I am glad I am going through this. Although I can't accept myself for what I have done. It's something I should always look at. My past has been really tough ... and yet, it still looks very dark. I may have to go through it alone and never expected anyone to go through it with me ... but thanks to those who are willingly to journey it with me without judging me.
At different stages of life, you learn different things. That's the truth. One thing's for certain ... I intend to keep those promises I made. It's better late than never and because it is worth every single pain and hurt
I should end this post. I am blogging it straight from what I feel and think and it may have sound utterly ridiculous.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Two cents from Melb
Want to know something? It's not enough if you want to do it ... you have to think about it. Don't let it skip your mind. If you have issues ... think about it, face it and think again. I guess I haven't been doing a lot of thinking in my past. I have always been the radical person that puts feelings first. Art boy ma!
It's not wrong ... but don't ignore the brain (it tells you what is right, proper and acceptable). Flashback to Art, Embodiment unit ... I still remember the time I argue with K about how feelings are sometimes more important than thoughts. I guess, only on certain occasion ...
Well, big boy liao la! Better use more brains.
Maybe that's the reason why I am hardly asleep nowadays. I compensate what I missed last time by doing more thinking now. Thanks Karen ...
It's not wrong ... but don't ignore the brain (it tells you what is right, proper and acceptable). Flashback to Art, Embodiment unit ... I still remember the time I argue with K about how feelings are sometimes more important than thoughts. I guess, only on certain occasion ...
Well, big boy liao la! Better use more brains.
Maybe that's the reason why I am hardly asleep nowadays. I compensate what I missed last time by doing more thinking now. Thanks Karen ...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Peggy's fault!
Peggy told me that eating makes you happy. I don't think so! With my eating behavior ... it's making me fat rather than happy. I mean, having extra fat is not a bad thing for me, but when I have this "tyre" on my waist and everything else is like a lamp post ... it's horrible!
AND
why the food-aka-fats only goes there? Why not my arm? or my legs? or my flat chest? ... one way or another ... it only concentrates on the stomach and all around it.
Try stuffing a huge pelampung onto a lamp post ...
Now ... that's me if I continue to believe Peggy that eating makes you feel happy. Somehow, after eating during break time at work ... I do feel better ... and jenny makes delicious deserts ...
OK!
CONCENTRATE ON THE PELAMPUNG LAMP POST ...
AND
why the food-aka-fats only goes there? Why not my arm? or my legs? or my flat chest? ... one way or another ... it only concentrates on the stomach and all around it.
Try stuffing a huge pelampung onto a lamp post ...
Now ... that's me if I continue to believe Peggy that eating makes you feel happy. Somehow, after eating during break time at work ... I do feel better ... and jenny makes delicious deserts ...
OK!
CONCENTRATE ON THE PELAMPUNG LAMP POST ...
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
734am. Class at 830am
I slept so much yesterday, I don't think I can sleep today. Blame it on the weather ... and the fact that I didn't want to bother about filling up my time on a tuesday afternoon. Well, I will be packing my bags to gym. Body combat a lil ... then maybe work on my flat chest.
I am happy to see Jenny finally smiling today. She smiles quite often, but I miss her strong, encouraging and loud giggle. I can't remember when was the last time she did that ... I think it was the time when we bought meehoon goreng sambal with daging near my place. Trust me, that was quite some time ago!
As long as she is happy ... that's good. To the irresponsible partner ... I think you better try and proof her wrong ... that you do care. But even if you don't ... well ... your loss then. Word of advice ... Do not under estimate the power of mouth because news travel ...
To Jenny ... you will always have us to help. Just holler, I don't mind helping ... I might cause more trouble ... but hey ... what's friendship if we don't laugh a lil, cause some trouble and still manage to give each other a hug at the end of the day!
I am happy to see Jenny finally smiling today. She smiles quite often, but I miss her strong, encouraging and loud giggle. I can't remember when was the last time she did that ... I think it was the time when we bought meehoon goreng sambal with daging near my place. Trust me, that was quite some time ago!
As long as she is happy ... that's good. To the irresponsible partner ... I think you better try and proof her wrong ... that you do care. But even if you don't ... well ... your loss then. Word of advice ... Do not under estimate the power of mouth because news travel ...
To Jenny ... you will always have us to help. Just holler, I don't mind helping ... I might cause more trouble ... but hey ... what's friendship if we don't laugh a lil, cause some trouble and still manage to give each other a hug at the end of the day!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
This is a long post ...
Sekian lama, Puasa pun berakhir. Tak sempat menjemu kat IKEA juga.
Anywayz ... it has been a tough weekend. I looked myself in the mirror today and saw some fugly fellow with rotten hair, hangover look, baggy eyes, bad breath and depressing complexion. Lack of sleep, lack of confident and a whole lots of pity crap shit. Whatever it is ... I am facing myself la ... Back to blog sphere, where do I begin ... let's go according to chronological order ...
Friday ...
Actually my weekend started earlier ... I took medical leave on Friday and spend the whole night being taken care by Grace. As a sister ... she did a swell job. Thanks girl for driving me around, visiting places, eating mcD, forcing meds down my throat and being with me ... didn't want to stay home and you have been a great company. You too Vynn!!!
Amazingly, after the 4am MCD breakfast and 2 hours of sleep later, we are up for Dim Sum! We had talks ... I realize that's what we do. Talk talk talk. You girl have been very supportive and I will remember to bring myself up, take good care of myself and believe in my dreams. OK ... I still doubt that ... but like you girls said ... it's not my battle alone. Anyway, I brought my D80 along and pictures pictures ...
Grace ... aka ... Ta Jie
I miss her already ... come down soon k! Muax
Yummy ... I love love love ... the mien mien fried thinge ... er ... can't remember the name
Then the girls decided to get a hoop ... konon mahu kuruskan the waist
I never even consider buying that ... NEVER ...unless mahu jadi Kate Moss
Saturday ...
As soon as the girls drove me back. I was as dead as ever ... thanks to the heavy dose of meds. I slept ... till 6pm. When I was awake ... no one was home. My aunt had a miscarriage and everyone drove back to Perak to visit her. I still didn't know why I was left at home until I got a sms from my mum:
"Take care of the house"
I rolled my eyes. Damn ... I am going to rot at home. I hate it when the house is empty. It's either I rot at home or I rot outside. Second choice seem more viable. I felt like clubbing, and who was the right person to call? Who else than Jimmy Glam!!! Cepat tukar baju and I drove to his place. We were at Sugar Club (I find that name ... weird) but they serve Vodka Lime ... yummy! Sky, Raymond and friends were there too. But Jimmy, Ed, Wick, Claire and a bunch of us adjourn to LQ ... as the crowd were mainly ... young boys. We went into LQ and it was PACKED! That was like the first time I was there ... without someone to cling onto. I just held onto Claire and ask her to company me. So we dance away to awful music and sigh away to the beat. At the end, seeing Ed drunk was the most memorable event of the night ...
"Wo yao chi Pao Pi"
Sunday ...
I drove home and took care of the house that night. A long, slow drive at 5am. I look at the road and it reminded me of something nice. I got home and doze off.
As soon as I was awake. Mum's back. So weird. One day they are gone ... and one day they are back. Went off for second round and this time around... I got drunk. Not "drunk" but high. Claire was having fun seeing two drunks (jimmy and I) talk ... I can't remember what I said. Well, only she knows ... After a whole lots of dancing (and running around), drinking and laughing ... everyone slept like babies. Except me of course ... being the special "notti" baby ... I watched the monday sunrise and still feel like crap shit ... alcohol la tu! Sakit kepala tak boleh tido la!
OK, clubbing straight for two nights in 4 different clubs was tiresome. One way of releasing stress, working your abdominals (with all the body row and hip shake, it gotta work), meeting new friends and sweat. The reason why we were club-hopping-around were because; bad music good crowd ... or good music with no crowd. There's always something missing and it's very sad. Well, at the end, I reckon the company is more important. My partner for both night was mostly Claire (the GF I never had!) and thanks Wick for the shoulder ...
Monday continues on ...
Jogoya!!! I was literally a zombie walking around ... gathering food. Half asleep, half hungry and half dead. It was fun afterall ... me and Claire really shared everything ... my gawd ... I tell you ... she is really becoming the GF ... haha ... dream on! Anyway ... here are some pictures ...
Claire, Wick, Jimmy
Some of Ed and Jimmy's friends ... actually everyone is there already :P
Thanks Er Ge ... there is nothing more I can ask from you
I love this lighting, damn it! Too bad I wasn't in a coat ... or not could have pose abit for Lust, Caution! Hhahaha
After the makan session, we went jalan-jalan at Pavillion. Tired as hell ... but what the heck. BTW, Thanks for the invitation SL ... Do we get to see Jolin that night? Haha!!! Sekian 2 jam berjalan .. I KO inside Jimmy's car. As soon as I was home, I had only 3 hour to sleep before work. As I step out of the car, Jimmy gave me a look. A look of concern and love I missed a lot. I told myself ... OK ... time to swallow a few tablets and get plenty of rest. I did ... and after 8 hours of monotonous work ... here I am ... looking at myself in front of the mirror and saw this fugly fellow with rotten hair, hangover look, baggy eyes, bad breath and depressing complexion. Lack of sleep, lack of confident and a whole lots of pity crap shit ... blogging
FINE, the truth is I miss spending the weekend the old way ... but well ... time to go to bed.
Anywayz ... it has been a tough weekend. I looked myself in the mirror today and saw some fugly fellow with rotten hair, hangover look, baggy eyes, bad breath and depressing complexion. Lack of sleep, lack of confident and a whole lots of pity crap shit. Whatever it is ... I am facing myself la ... Back to blog sphere, where do I begin ... let's go according to chronological order ...
Friday ...
Actually my weekend started earlier ... I took medical leave on Friday and spend the whole night being taken care by Grace. As a sister ... she did a swell job. Thanks girl for driving me around, visiting places, eating mcD, forcing meds down my throat and being with me ... didn't want to stay home and you have been a great company. You too Vynn!!!
Amazingly, after the 4am MCD breakfast and 2 hours of sleep later, we are up for Dim Sum! We had talks ... I realize that's what we do. Talk talk talk. You girl have been very supportive and I will remember to bring myself up, take good care of myself and believe in my dreams. OK ... I still doubt that ... but like you girls said ... it's not my battle alone. Anyway, I brought my D80 along and pictures pictures ...
Grace ... aka ... Ta Jie
I miss her already ... come down soon k! Muax
Yummy ... I love love love ... the mien mien fried thinge ... er ... can't remember the name
Then the girls decided to get a hoop ... konon mahu kuruskan the waist
I never even consider buying that ... NEVER ...unless mahu jadi Kate Moss
Saturday ...
As soon as the girls drove me back. I was as dead as ever ... thanks to the heavy dose of meds. I slept ... till 6pm. When I was awake ... no one was home. My aunt had a miscarriage and everyone drove back to Perak to visit her. I still didn't know why I was left at home until I got a sms from my mum:
"Take care of the house"
I rolled my eyes. Damn ... I am going to rot at home. I hate it when the house is empty. It's either I rot at home or I rot outside. Second choice seem more viable. I felt like clubbing, and who was the right person to call? Who else than Jimmy Glam!!! Cepat tukar baju and I drove to his place. We were at Sugar Club (I find that name ... weird) but they serve Vodka Lime ... yummy! Sky, Raymond and friends were there too. But Jimmy, Ed, Wick, Claire and a bunch of us adjourn to LQ ... as the crowd were mainly ... young boys. We went into LQ and it was PACKED! That was like the first time I was there ... without someone to cling onto. I just held onto Claire and ask her to company me. So we dance away to awful music and sigh away to the beat. At the end, seeing Ed drunk was the most memorable event of the night ...
"Wo yao chi Pao Pi"
Sunday ...
I drove home and took care of the house that night. A long, slow drive at 5am. I look at the road and it reminded me of something nice. I got home and doze off.
As soon as I was awake. Mum's back. So weird. One day they are gone ... and one day they are back. Went off for second round and this time around... I got drunk. Not "drunk" but high. Claire was having fun seeing two drunks (jimmy and I) talk ... I can't remember what I said. Well, only she knows ... After a whole lots of dancing (and running around), drinking and laughing ... everyone slept like babies. Except me of course ... being the special "notti" baby ... I watched the monday sunrise and still feel like crap shit ... alcohol la tu! Sakit kepala tak boleh tido la!
OK, clubbing straight for two nights in 4 different clubs was tiresome. One way of releasing stress, working your abdominals (with all the body row and hip shake, it gotta work), meeting new friends and sweat. The reason why we were club-hopping-around were because; bad music good crowd ... or good music with no crowd. There's always something missing and it's very sad. Well, at the end, I reckon the company is more important. My partner for both night was mostly Claire (the GF I never had!) and thanks Wick for the shoulder ...
Monday continues on ...
Jogoya!!! I was literally a zombie walking around ... gathering food. Half asleep, half hungry and half dead. It was fun afterall ... me and Claire really shared everything ... my gawd ... I tell you ... she is really becoming the GF ... haha ... dream on! Anyway ... here are some pictures ...
Claire, Wick, Jimmy
Some of Ed and Jimmy's friends ... actually everyone is there already :P
Thanks Er Ge ... there is nothing more I can ask from you
I love this lighting, damn it! Too bad I wasn't in a coat ... or not could have pose abit for Lust, Caution! Hhahaha
After the makan session, we went jalan-jalan at Pavillion. Tired as hell ... but what the heck. BTW, Thanks for the invitation SL ... Do we get to see Jolin that night? Haha!!! Sekian 2 jam berjalan .. I KO inside Jimmy's car. As soon as I was home, I had only 3 hour to sleep before work. As I step out of the car, Jimmy gave me a look. A look of concern and love I missed a lot. I told myself ... OK ... time to swallow a few tablets and get plenty of rest. I did ... and after 8 hours of monotonous work ... here I am ... looking at myself in front of the mirror and saw this fugly fellow with rotten hair, hangover look, baggy eyes, bad breath and depressing complexion. Lack of sleep, lack of confident and a whole lots of pity crap shit ... blogging
FINE, the truth is I miss spending the weekend the old way ... but well ... time to go to bed.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
JJ Lin - Hai Pa
WU WO~
Wo tu ran jue de you dian pa
Ai gen shen huo de yi qie
Ni yi wei wo zhi dao zhen me chai kai
Wo men de xiang fa luo cha
CHORUS
Wo de ai
Shi shuo ting bu nen ting
Yi jing nong de bu nen shuo shi chen jing
Ye ke shuo chu wo shi chuo de
Ai wei chen bian chen zhen de
Ye mei dan dao duo shao ni shu yao de ai
Wo bu zai
Qu zhi zhu wo shi shei
Wo shi wo zai ye li diao de yan lei
Ye ke shuo wo kan bu kai de
Wo wei ni wo nen zuo de
Ying hai mei rang ni xiang xin she ai qing
Zhuo you ni wo
Er ku qi dou shi ing wei ai
Ye pi zi ji bu diao lei
Rang wang ri bu zhi shi you ni
Zai wang li wo ye chang zhe
Ping le ming de shou zhe
Repeat CHORUS x2
Wo tu ran jue de you dian pa
Ai gen shen huo de yi qie
Ni yi wei wo zhi dao zhen me chai kai
Wo men de xiang fa luo cha
CHORUS
Wo de ai
Shi shuo ting bu nen ting
Yi jing nong de bu nen shuo shi chen jing
Ye ke shuo chu wo shi chuo de
Ai wei chen bian chen zhen de
Ye mei dan dao duo shao ni shu yao de ai
Wo bu zai
Qu zhi zhu wo shi shei
Wo shi wo zai ye li diao de yan lei
Ye ke shuo wo kan bu kai de
Wo wei ni wo nen zuo de
Ying hai mei rang ni xiang xin she ai qing
Zhuo you ni wo
Er ku qi dou shi ing wei ai
Ye pi zi ji bu diao lei
Rang wang ri bu zhi shi you ni
Zai wang li wo ye chang zhe
Ping le ming de shou zhe
Repeat CHORUS x2
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wah!
OK ... it's been a month. Yea ... it felt like years ... but reality is ... it's still a month. I almost forgot the art and fun of growing up, being alone ... walking in the park at night, driving around and just be honest to yourself. Feel what you want, be what you want and do crazy things. Claire, Sarah and Jimmy ... if you are reading this, better keep "that night" to yourself! .
To be honest, it was a mixed of both fun and pain. But face yourself! It's one of the hardest things to do ... but it's worth it. Life is short man ... don't dwell into it. I amuses myself every time I want to do something new. I am beginning to like being alone. Don't get me wrong, not that I am a loner but I hate crowds. With all the time in the world, I actually spend more time with friends. Chatting away and bitching about stuff. Something I truly enjoy ... and now ... nothing is holding me back. I just can't wait till this coming weekend ...
Can't wait to meet Vynn and Grace. Mahu slumber ka? Hehe
BTW ... I love this building
by Denton Corker Marshall
To be honest, it was a mixed of both fun and pain. But face yourself! It's one of the hardest things to do ... but it's worth it. Life is short man ... don't dwell into it. I amuses myself every time I want to do something new. I am beginning to like being alone. Don't get me wrong, not that I am a loner but I hate crowds. With all the time in the world, I actually spend more time with friends. Chatting away and bitching about stuff. Something I truly enjoy ... and now ... nothing is holding me back. I just can't wait till this coming weekend ...
Can't wait to meet Vynn and Grace. Mahu slumber ka? Hehe
BTW ... I love this building
by Denton Corker Marshall
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