Monday, October 10, 2011

On Life ... 2011

It has been quite exhausting these few days. I anticipated the day my emotions will run still and it did a few hours back. I had a mental block so empty and void that even my eyes are starting to blur. Just a quick recap ...

On Work
I finalize the liquidation process today and all that is left is to consolidate the final amount and account it for boss to verify. I finally understand how tired and lonesome it gets when you have to single-hand manage an entire project. I don't ever think I want to work alone again ...

Then there is the prospect of future. Choices that one has to made. Opportunity cost that requires sacrifice. There are doubts, but are they just doubts-per say or just my own made-up worries? One is not able to forecast or evaluate a decision logically then had to rely on friends support and advise. Most of them have given a say and majority supports the idea. But why do I still feel ... indifferent? How much reassurance do I need to get or am I just being insecurely silly?

These voices have been giving me a headache and often it feels like vertigo

On my MBA life
I wouldn't say it ended because I do still get calls from my current colleagues who are persuing the course for advise. Sometimes I wonder why would they call me for them? What are the local tutors really doing? I understand certain courses are difficult to grasp but having one of the top students (scorer!) to complain and ask me for advise ... Hmmm that rings an alarm

Has the standards depreciated so much until seniors are required for guidance? In the midst of my qualms and personal struggle, and as much as I wanna avoid-take-a-break from UNI, I agreed to helping colleagues for the course and assignment. Not by contribution but by support. Alumni? Hmmm

On Friendship
I have great friends definitely all around. Each different generation (20-30s, 30-40s, 40-50s) and with different backgrounds, lifestyles and some very interesting communication habits had been showering me with support and advise. In my lowest form of self motivation and doubt, each of them had taken time to lend a helping hand and ears. I thank those who made tremendous efforts to visualise and take my problem into their own account. Nothing can describe how much I greatly appreciate the gesture. You guys know who you are, whether it is through chat, tweet or whatsapp ... you guys are loved. deeply

Also, I have become close to zombified with the idea that weekends are all packed up this coming month. Either traveling or attending people's happy day - let it be wedding, birthday or someone's open house. To be honest, I am so not in the mood. Having schedules clashing with certain events certainly squeeze juices off your brain. I now understand why you should go the distant for certain friends, it is only because they do so too.

On Healthy Living
Either than having my schedule packed up these few days, I literally only went to gym probably twice in the last 2 weeks. Although I get the luxury of muscle building during the liquidation exercise, I don't think it is effective. So, it is back to gym ... again ... and hopefully, more frequent

Then there is the new learning of GMO, harvesting yogurt from kefir or are they different? and vowing to quickly pick up a sport before I procrastinate and let the idea die. Talking about dying, I actually resurrected my long-time sport - Bowling. I didn't know that I could still play. I mean either than the occasional bowling activity with the MBA mates, I hardly step into any bowling alleys these day. But just that day, I played 6 games in a row ... all above average.

Some may say bowling is not a sport, but the stress and sweat I go through in the sport is equivalent to any contact sport. YES! I GET STRESSED UP IN BOWLING

On love
Kinda sad in this department. I mean, not to be depressing and all but after almost 20 months and still single, am I resting on my laurels or am I just irrelevant in the dating KPI? It would be nice to have someone to share my thoughts and situation with especially these few days. All the tiresome, shoulder strain (sign of stress) and emptiness could really use some tender loving care. After all, love does cushion off stress and definitely having someone important to support and lift you up is enlightening. No?

Damn, I need a rebound ...

On family
Mum looks older these days. She had been working very hard these few years to keep things afloat and because of that, I had this protective shield over her. Whenever she feels vulnerable or get hurt, I swore by her side to shield and kill. These days, she is happier but occasionally she gets over worried about many stuff out of her control. Like the idea that her daughters are growing up too quickly, the god son that she love is quite distant apart now, the mistakes she made in her business calling, the nuisance a husband can cause nearing to retirement, the hope and dream that has to be put on hold due to valid reasons, the responsibility a woman has to upheld for family, passion and her commitment to provide. Goodness, know I know where all her grey strands came from. I swore to help ease her stress load ... but I adore and salute her determination to brave through

Tikus on the other hand (my lovely dog) has shed many conversation and light into the family. I believe after me, she is the most loved. LOL


So that is about life for now. I gotta grab some sleep, been so exhausted these few days - ever since I went to Spore - fall sick - came back and had everything settled for the week only to know that more is coming in the week... Life ...

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