Monday, October 3, 2011

Difference - a form of expectations

There are always two side of things. How you look at particular issue, and the person looks back differently. It could also be how both of you look at a similar occasion with different views. Then, there is the difference responses one could react to the many different outcome of a particular occurrence. Differentiation they say add spice into life. And so they say many things ...

Lets just put that into a real case example?

When someone you love sneezes in front of you. What do you do?

You may have him moving away from you, shy and fearing the spread of a virus that could potentially ruin his plan or anticipation of a packed work schedule.


You may have him looking at you, worried sick and yet do not know why after the amount of TLC his been showering you, you ain't getting better yet

Many would pick the latter option. To have someone deeply care for you. Of course, that is like the best option but we don't always the best desired options do we? In many occasions, this is where the spice starts to hurt (ok that is a bit too dramatic), lets mellow it down ... spice starts to sting. How do you know a person really cares about you in the different way they react? Are we all govern only to one perspective of life? Or are we just melancholic in demand from others due to the marginalized value of partnership thanks to movies and drama series?

If you understand the differentiation definition, then it would be easier for the matter. It has something to do with expectations. Personal expectations to be exact. The matter of fact lies straight in your face, different people react and deal with things differently. FACT! VINITO. No theory needed. And since each individual is different, they are entitled to their own rights of reaction and doing. But when a couple comes into considerations, when and where does the line is drawn? Do we book keep and list the concerns and then update them quarterly?

Take a step back and you will soon realize that the flexibility in differentiation traits allow (or boldly to grant rights) for people to act the way they want to. Even if they are just bastards. Lamely put of course. So if you are in a relationship (or soon to be one), please remember that it involves the other party.

You can laugh about it but you will be surprise how much this trait particularly ruin relationships, reverse friendships and never the less, build up hostility within couples. Differentiation if ignored can lead to massive gunny-sacking of discomfort that could lead to things each other will regret. So if you are in a relationship and this becomes an expectation, be sure to be open about it. Share the similarity that couples can relate to and minimize differentiation if it causes misfit. Put aside that ego and talk things out. It may be a small issue, but still an issue.

Often research found that couple arguments are caused by silence and expectations. Most of the time, if couples can actually let out their guts (please do not redefine this in any "final destination" way), you will be able to find a fruitful discussion about expectations. Always remember to keep a clear concise mind about finding the balance (or a solution even better) to the problem. By tackling expectations, one needs to understand difference. By understanding difference, one then can embrace the polarity and magnitude of mixed affect and effect. I don't make sense do I? Simply put, just be open about things regardless of answers if you think difference is what makes you guys special.

The act itself isn't gonna be good enough to cause a cold war, especially in a solid relationship. It takes more than that to rock and cause havoc in a relationship. The intention and reasoning that is being put to the reaction deserves as much attention. On most occasion, "is why did you do that ! you know i hate it or don't like it" that leads to people throwing plates or using car keys to cut themselves. Therefore, it if is that bothering and annoying ... you gotta talk it out. In proper way, professional way - communicate. Not blabber and complain but ask, explain and then feedback. Vice versa. Make your partner sit down and do it.

So the next time you sneeze and your partner moves away. Boldy ask him, what's on his mind? Be open about the answer he is about to bomb back at you. Then tell him how you feel and so forth and what you expect. If he can't fulfill it, then is it worth throwing plates? Or better still cut him with the keys!? It is absolutely all right to be logical and remember if you embrace difference, you gotta put up to it! Nothing comes free ... flush that emo part of you if your partner couldn't care less.

And if you sneeze and your partner comes up to you, hug you and starts worrying like a cute puppy. Have sex. Good sex and pass him the germs. LOL

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