Not the last post thanks to work

So it is not my last post, and that is such a disappointment. It will be for my boss who currently have to deal with the liquidation process in Spore. Being a non-sporean, I can only help this much and while I sit you blogging. There is this other staff who is sleeping. Yeap, we are running a dead-ghostly garage sale. Although there were promotion and advertisement done, to be honest - we are not going anywhere. Just sitting, waiting and wasting time

Now, I have to open up my brain and try to squeeze some suggestion into point format, hoping that he will be able to handle the large amount of sitting stocks, equipments and furnitures in the near future. Seriously, that's the best I can do.

I really have nothing to write but just wanted to do something. You know, to kill the boredom. I wonder what is happening back in KL. I think this thought and question will rise more often then ever.

Picture Trail Oct

I think this may be my last post for the month of October. Realize my blog pale in comparison with some other writers ... maybe I should migrate it to Thumblr ? Is that how you spell that new "in" place to blog?

Anyway, just to cheer thing up a lil in my plain ol sphere of thoughts. Here are some random pictures ...

Not bad eh? Maybe I should do more often of this picture trail thinge.

Last post for Oct?

I think the month is coming to an end. Oh, it is the end. October has been definitely a pass through month. Honestly, I don't even remember what I did in the past month. Only regret skipping that much of gym, losing unnecessary weight looking thinner and probably the only thing worth remembering is Trixie and Ryan's wedding.

And so I was looking back the past few weeks and wonder, how life had intertwined with decision making and coping with the possibility of losing a close friend. The ironic part is that sometimes I felt I lost myself within time and space. It is as if a kind of drug is taking over. Worrisome, no doubt but manageable.

So the usual rambles aside, I just am happy that the next two weeks will be dedicated to my close friends, buddies who are really just next door all the time. My turn to show appreciation to the great souls that has been around. Right now, I am just gonna go with the flow. No frills, no expectations.

Time will tell

So back to playing with Bonge. Hehe ... yeap, got a new gadget to play with ... Not gonna slash my wish list since it's NOT a substitute. Just need a better organizer for my up-coming tight schedule life!

Bonge ... and Binge, lighted up so happy he got a new friend to sleep with at night

Dark Side

Dark Side made me cry. This song came a little too late ... but it is good ... it is really good. Someone will get this piece of art as a gift from me. A parting gift ...

So I've made the third decision already. Now I am going to just make the best out of it. Weird that after this ordeal, the strength in me shattered ... into pieced, into dust. I guess that's the balance in life. When you stand tall to make decisions, you gotta leave with the other side - effect and affect.

Well, I am going to sink my head into the pillow and just slip away.

This ones for you my dear superheroes

The past few days has been hazzy. Life is about making decisions, living to it and making the best out of it. I don't know how I instill such positive behavior and sometimes shocked at myself but well, I have the people around me to thank.

I am about to make the third most important decision in my life. I clearly remember the first two.

One - to continue my study in Australia when my relationship then was still quite fresh and vulnerable to risk. Never regret it cos I've grown so much from it and the experience that comes after that made me a better person

Two - to risk separation and see how far we would go. Kinda regret it because it haunts me everyday to see that it wasn't that solid after all to begin with, but making the most of it for now.

Three - a decision to be made tomorrow. I do not want to reveal about it but lets keep tabs shall we?

A lot people have been supportive in the cross road of my life. I guess it is a blessing in disguise to have inspirational and strong people around you. There are those who logically reminds you of the right thing to do in long term for short term sacrifices, there are those who unconditionally support and love you quietly even thought it aches them to see you go the other way, there are those who becomes inspirational enlightenment in darker days braving strong each day without fear and weakness, there are those subtly sing each words filling your soul for courage and revelation, there are those who live to just be by your side even though they have alternative life-hood, there are those who quietly wishes you the best, thinking about you everyday even when they are not around, then there are those who walk the talk and live their life setting examples for you, there are those who loudly proclaim their support in your shadows and there are those who you have never met but had them constantly responding to your qualms in viral networks.

To those who had made it possible ... you would not believe how much you have meant in every single way. Life is tough, but you guys (and girls) are tougher in every way. It is because of people like you that strong leaders, soulful singers, great companions, beautiful lovers, sincere friends and undeniably courageous individuals are frame to swim through this sea of thorns. So let's all stay that way ya? Sounds like preaching, but together - I guess we are like the forces of superheroes ... saving each day at a time. I should strike a pose now eh?

That said, I wonder when is Wonderwoman the movie is releasing. I really hope the movie showcases a hot, well built woman in super tight hotpants (or is it panty?) to play the role. Please let it be someone with Beyonce's hip, Catherine Z Jones's look and Charlize Theron's acting. Miss seeing chick butt kickboxing action movies.

To the angel from Austin, and friend from next door

Am already playing the tracks from the new album. It feels as if the album talks to me. The lyrics and song selection are actually very good and quite addictive. You definitely can belt it out anytime of the day and feel good after that. A mode of releasing it all out is to scream, yell and blast it all out - really - it does feel good after that. Not to mention, the album is an inspiration one.

Anyway, I am just awed over the fact that my blog was actually inspiration to quite a few people, people that I look up to. So that's a huge honor! Almost teary saying it. Gosh.... I never thought that my thoughts, mostly ramblings could be so influential. For that I am thankful and will continue to write although sometimes I am really just blank with pages. Hopefully I will never bore or kinda scare you guys away. Really appreciate your support and reading, means a lot to my funny-named blog. Ta for now and thank you so much KBC and ECH for the belated birthday gift. It will be a tune I will always remember no matter "where" I am

Hugs Kisses

ps - For a tired soul to replenish with care and love from a friend who care for you.

Beyonce - Love on Top

Oooo .... I love the video ... Sayang Beyonce balik

New trial

It has been a very interesting 3 days. Interesting how when you least expect something to happen, it happens. After all, life is filled with surprises and you never know what is coming next.

Just a few days back, I met someone - a total stranger but shared so much similarities in life. There were definitely chemistry in both our communication and greetings. I would like to think that our friendship has something interesting but there is always the fear. Fear of things getting out of hand. Fear of any possibilities that could only result in void and waste. The same fear I fear that of when you look into someone's eye knowing that you can give everything you have only to have it returned empty. Worst, knowing that it can never go anywhere.

So after relating stories about his life and background, family and kids ... I begin to wonder how life would be if I would to pull the plug and switch sides. A question and taboo only to be scrutinize by friends and loved ones even before any disclaimers are made. Seeing my best friend getting married and also soon my sister, I am starting to feel that perhaps I would like to challenge and submit to the bigger picture. Will I be in denial or will it be a brand new chapter? I will never know

Those who claimed that they know me aren't really showing that they do. Those who doesn't sometimes seems more to be on the right track. As he continues talking about sticking to choices, responsible over decisions made and subjecting oneself to new commitments seems a little far fetched for the weakly disciplinary life of homosexuals. Everything changes when you are not bounded by law (or lamely put - contract) and to be absence in societal expectations sometimes allow you room to even fall out and foul play. Clear and good examples of life in the rainbow world. After all, nobody guarantee any form of bonds in either world. And to make matter worst, it seems more superficial in certain side.

Thus I question, is it worth burying a past trial for a deemed future? Either way, both futures are untold if undiscovered. To be fair, I need to start to explore and compare. Aren't self deceit and affirmation already existing in both opposite sides of life? Then, there is a 50-50 chance! I sometimes and still wonder ... how it all ends or can turn up. Will I detest and trial life to avoid the regret stare some have given me? Will I be able to see friends in any similar way and will they too do the same? Will it merely by cherishing love in the next generation for the sake of continuum in bloodline rather than familial institution.

Refreshing the times we both stood at the stairways and looking into the skies, almost lip locking only to have the door on lower ground startled us was a sign. Possibilities.

Just too much on the plate right now. But I think I am going to try to be fair to myself. Cannot be hoping any longer ...

Someone like me

I read about Ryan's blog just a few minutes ago and since I am companying my mum in the living room, she is wide awake waiting for her meds to kick in - vomiting due to gastric, I decided to spent the next few minutes to copy Ryan's post on disclosing stuff about myself. Not sure if I can do this as well as him, but no harm trying

I grew up fantasizing about mutants, specifically the X-men. Always believed that mutants exist and secretly hope one day I can jolt someone with my electric ball. Till today, I will swipe my hand to "open" the sensory sliding glass doors at shopping mall and secretly counting the traffic light and lift my hands towards it whenever it is gonna turn green just to pretend that I have powers. I am a guy who lives in his fantasy realm.

That said, I never understood why people see me as a comic joker sometimes. As much as I am happy go lucky, there are a number of people who will see me as complicated, complex or even cocky. Some see me as a person who worry and find trouble, some see me as carefree and troubless. To be frank, I am only human. I do feel both ways and on many occasion, wish that people could see my vulnerable side.

So yes I am emotional because I am a Leo. And yes to the fact to that I still think I am a boy although I had change the way I see myself after my 26th birthday. In comparison, I am definitely someone who stresses on success. Ever since young, my family is below average both income earnings (which translate to stability and growth for spending) and education (none in my family - before me graduated from Uni before). With my weak english command 7 years ago, I have push myself hard enough in the past years to improve not only my english but mentality in dealing with conflict as well as graduating recently with an MBA. All to sharpen my own skills and then found a new interest ... in learning

So I am taking up a sport soon which is most likely Tennis since my first choice of wakeboarding is too expensive. I do have expensive hobbies and taste, which is a proven track record in my history of shopping, selecting partner (not like as if I have more than two) and also interest. My favourite fashion brand is no doubt Burberry and Prada. I do have a fetish for formal wear and accessories. I find that a man's jewelry is no doubt the watch and diamonds are always man's best friend too if wore and used correctly. Subtle and Vintage is in my dictionary for fashion and Noah Mills is my all time favourite model. That said, I hardly use perfume and my last count - I had 30 shirts, 14 slacks, 42 polo tees, 13 jeans and 4 khakis. I rather not count my t-shirts.

On the contrary, I am gadget bonkers. Do not know the difference between cables, power adapters and any techky stuff. That is because both my EX and best friend are Tech people. So I rest on my laurels. Spare me the look, but because I like expensive stuff ... I tend to be more aesthetic than practical, something I deemed important. To make matter worst, I do not have FB but I do have a tweeter and blog account. I do have both Mac and PC but somehow never an ipod. I do have an iphone which I talk to everyday because I love it but never ever que for anything ... that includes food.

My favourite food are usually cooked and fragrant. Although often switched about, the ranks are quite consistent with most-least : Korean, Malay, Thai, Indian, Spanish, Italian and Japanese. I do not eat strawberries, beef and only recently begin to taste duck meat after Beijing trip. Am extremely into Pork. Tea person, Juice over Coffee and usually will snack peanut butter sandwich before I sleep. A hot mug of milo always makes me smile

I cannot sleep with an empty stomach and extremely shy if there is an absence of aircond because I sweat easily. Had wet a number of beds and feel extremely embarrassed about it when I overnight at friend's place. I usually weep quietly and hate myself for doing so by quietly sitting at the corner of the bed, waiting for the sheets to dry. Since I occasionally have severe short-term insomnia, I am used to being zombified for the next day. But I try to avoid that as I am quite hyper and lack of sleep only will force fatigue to hit me harder the next day. So, I tend to shower before I sleep and love a bathroom with rainshower and human massage. :-)

I stop smoking because I kept a promise to a person and I started drinking more than usual these days. I do not adore beer and prefer whites over reds. I like dancing and will try to end up in the club more often but a quiet jazz night or live band is always welcome in between weeks. I contrast myself very much. I grew up with Disney Cartoons and am still a big fan over them. I love ruthless bloody game where screen are splattered with blood. Contrast.

I really do not know what else to write but that I am a person probably with very interesting lifestyle and friends. I am a mummy's boy and somehow, I like that. My mum is definitely my idol and hero! So I think I am going to like to be someone's boy one day. Loved and Spoiled they said. Till then, I am going to eat my peanut butter sandwich alone and crossing fingers that one day I get to make two slice, one for me ... one for the other

ps - happy 700th post?

On Life ... 2011

It has been quite exhausting these few days. I anticipated the day my emotions will run still and it did a few hours back. I had a mental block so empty and void that even my eyes are starting to blur. Just a quick recap ...

On Work

I finalize the liquidation process today and all that is left is to consolidate the final amount and account it for boss to verify. I finally understand how tired and lonesome it gets when you have to single-hand manage an entire project. I don't ever think I want to work alone again ...

Then there is the prospect of future. Choices that one has to made. Opportunity cost that requires sacrifice. There are doubts, but are they just doubts-per say or just my own made-up worries? One is not able to forecast or evaluate a decision logically then had to rely on friends support and advise. Most of them have given a say and majority supports the idea. But why do I still feel ... indifferent? How much reassurance do I need to get or am I just being insecurely silly?

These voices have been giving me a headache and often it feels like vertigo

On my MBA life

I wouldn't say it ended because I do still get calls from my current colleagues who are persuing the course for advise. Sometimes I wonder why would they call me for them? What are the local tutors really doing? I understand certain courses are difficult to grasp but having one of the top students (scorer!) to complain and ask me for advise ... Hmmm that rings an alarm

Has the standards depreciated so much until seniors are required for guidance? In the midst of my qualms and personal struggle, and as much as I wanna avoid-take-a-break from UNI, I agreed to helping colleagues for the course and assignment. Not by contribution but by support. Alumni? Hmmm

On Friendship

I have great friends definitely all around. Each different generation (20-30s, 30-40s, 40-50s) and with different backgrounds, lifestyles and some very interesting communication habits had been showering me with support and advise. In my lowest form of self motivation and doubt, each of them had taken time to lend a helping hand and ears. I thank those who made tremendous efforts to visualise and take my problem into their own account. Nothing can describe how much I greatly appreciate the gesture. You guys know who you are, whether it is through chat, tweet or whatsapp ... you guys are loved. deeply

Also, I have become close to zombified with the idea that weekends are all packed up this coming month. Either traveling or attending people's happy day - let it be wedding, birthday or someone's open house. To be honest, I am so not in the mood. Having schedules clashing with certain events certainly squeeze juices off your brain. I now understand why you should go the distant for certain friends, it is only because they do so too.

On Healthy Living

Either than having my schedule packed up these few days, I literally only went to gym probably twice in the last 2 weeks. Although I get the luxury of muscle building during the liquidation exercise, I don't think it is effective. So, it is back to gym ... again ... and hopefully, more frequent

Then there is the new learning of GMO, harvesting yogurt from kefir or are they different? and vowing to quickly pick up a sport before I procrastinate and let the idea die. Talking about dying, I actually resurrected my long-time sport - Bowling. I didn't know that I could still play. I mean either than the occasional bowling activity with the MBA mates, I hardly step into any bowling alleys these day. But just that day, I played 6 games in a row ... all above average.

Some may say bowling is not a sport, but the stress and sweat I go through in the sport is equivalent to any contact sport. YES! I GET STRESSED UP IN BOWLING

On love

Kinda sad in this department. I mean, not to be depressing and all but after almost 20 months and still single, am I resting on my laurels or am I just irrelevant in the dating KPI? It would be nice to have someone to share my thoughts and situation with especially these few days. All the tiresome, shoulder strain (sign of stress) and emptiness could really use some tender loving care. After all, love does cushion off stress and definitely having someone important to support and lift you up is enlightening. No?

Damn, I need a rebound ...

On family

Mum looks older these days. She had been working very hard these few years to keep things afloat and because of that, I had this protective shield over her. Whenever she feels vulnerable or get hurt, I swore by her side to shield and kill. These days, she is happier but occasionally she gets over worried about many stuff out of her control. Like the idea that her daughters are growing up too quickly, the god son that she love is quite distant apart now, the mistakes she made in her business calling, the nuisance a husband can cause nearing to retirement, the hope and dream that has to be put on hold due to valid reasons, the responsibility a woman has to upheld for family, passion and her commitment to provide. Goodness, know I know where all her grey strands came from. I swore to help ease her stress load ... but I adore and salute her determination to brave through

Tikus on the other hand (my lovely dog) has shed many conversation and light into the family. I believe after me, she is the most loved. LOL

...

So that is about life for now. I gotta grab some sleep, been so exhausted these few days - ever since I went to Spore - fall sick - came back and had everything settled for the week only to know that more is coming in the week... Life ...

Rainie Yang - Dai Wo Zou

Mei ci wo zong yi ge ren zouJiao cha lu kou zi ji sheng huo
Zhe ci ni que shuo dai wo zou
Mou ge jiao luo jiu ni he wo

Xiang tu rang zhua jin hua de mi huo
Xiang tian kong chan mian yu de xiong yong
Zai ni de sheng hou
Jin shen de bu fa mei ge bei ying
Mei ge chang jing
Dou you fa guo de meng

Dai wo zou
Dao yao yuan de yi hou
Dai zou wo
Yi ge ren zi zhuan de ji mo

Dai wo zou
Jiu suan wo de ai ni de zi you
Dou jiang cheng wei pao mo
Wo bu pa
Dai wo zou

Mei ci wo zong du zi yuan zou
Bao chi cheng mo bu zhou mei tou
Zhe ci ni que shuo yi qi zou
Ru ci wen rou cong ci yi hou

Xiang tu rang zhua jin hua de mi huo
Xiang tian kong chan mian yu de xiong yong
Zai ni de sheng hou
Jin shen de bu fa mei ge bei ying
Mei ge chang jing
Dou you fa guo de meng

Dai wo zou
Dao yao yuan de yi hou
Dai zou wo
Yi ge ren zi zhuan de ji mo

Dai wo zou
Jiu suan wo de ai ni de zi you
Dou jiang cheng wei pao mo
Wo bu pa
Dai wo zou

Bai mang liu guo qi hei jin tou
Hu sha xi lai lan hua zhuan dong
Yun zai hai an jie cheng le mo
Cheng wei cao xiang cao yuan qi zhong
You zai chuan lai yi di cai hong
Ke zai xin zhong yuan dai zhe mai bo

Dai wo zou
Dao yao yuan de yi hou
Dai zou wo
Yi ge ren zi zhuan de ji mo

Dai wo zou
Jiu suan wo de ai ni de zi you
Dou jiang cheng wei pao mo
Wo bu pa
Dai wo zou

Dai wo zou
Jiu suan wo de ai ni de zi you
Dou jiang cheng wei pao mo
Dai wo zou

Difference - a form of expectations

There are always two side of things. How you look at particular issue, and the person looks back differently. It could also be how both of you look at a similar occasion with different views. Then, there is the difference responses one could react to the many different outcome of a particular occurrence. Differentiation they say add spice into life. And so they say many things ...

Lets just put that into a real case example?

When someone you love sneezes in front of you. What do you do?

You may have him moving away from you, shy and fearing the spread of a virus that could potentially ruin his plan or anticipation of a packed work schedule.

or

You may have him looking at you, worried sick and yet do not know why after the amount of TLC his been showering you, you ain't getting better yet

Many would pick the latter option. To have someone deeply care for you. Of course, that is like the best option but we don't always the best desired options do we? In many occasions, this is where the spice starts to hurt (ok that is a bit too dramatic), lets mellow it down ... spice starts to sting. How do you know a person really cares about you in the different way they react? Are we all govern only to one perspective of life? Or are we just melancholic in demand from others due to the marginalized value of partnership thanks to movies and drama series?

If you understand the differentiation definition, then it would be easier for the matter. It has something to do with expectations. Personal expectations to be exact. The matter of fact lies straight in your face, different people react and deal with things differently. FACT! VINITO. No theory needed. And since each individual is different, they are entitled to their own rights of reaction and doing. But when a couple comes into considerations, when and where does the line is drawn? Do we book keep and list the concerns and then update them quarterly?

Take a step back and you will soon realize that the flexibility in differentiation traits allow (or boldly to grant rights) for people to act the way they want to. Even if they are just bastards. Lamely put of course. So if you are in a relationship (or soon to be one), please remember that it involves the other party.

You can laugh about it but you will be surprise how much this trait particularly ruin relationships, reverse friendships and never the less, build up hostility within couples. Differentiation if ignored can lead to massive gunny-sacking of discomfort that could lead to things each other will regret. So if you are in a relationship and this becomes an expectation, be sure to be open about it. Share the similarity that couples can relate to and minimize differentiation if it causes misfit. Put aside that ego and talk things out. It may be a small issue, but still an issue.

Often research found that couple arguments are caused by silence and expectations. Most of the time, if couples can actually let out their guts (please do not redefine this in any "final destination" way), you will be able to find a fruitful discussion about expectations. Always remember to keep a clear concise mind about finding the balance (or a solution even better) to the problem. By tackling expectations, one needs to understand difference. By understanding difference, one then can embrace the polarity and magnitude of mixed affect and effect. I don't make sense do I? Simply put, just be open about things regardless of answers if you think difference is what makes you guys special.

The act itself isn't gonna be good enough to cause a cold war, especially in a solid relationship. It takes more than that to rock and cause havoc in a relationship. The intention and reasoning that is being put to the reaction deserves as much attention. On most occasion, "is why did you do that ! you know i hate it or don't like it" that leads to people throwing plates or using car keys to cut themselves. Therefore, it if is that bothering and annoying ... you gotta talk it out. In proper way, professional way - communicate. Not blabber and complain but ask, explain and then feedback. Vice versa. Make your partner sit down and do it.

So the next time you sneeze and your partner moves away. Boldy ask him, what's on his mind? Be open about the answer he is about to bomb back at you. Then tell him how you feel and so forth and what you expect. If he can't fulfill it, then is it worth throwing plates? Or better still cut him with the keys!? It is absolutely all right to be logical and remember if you embrace difference, you gotta put up to it! Nothing comes free ... flush that emo part of you if your partner couldn't care less.

And if you sneeze and your partner comes up to you, hug you and starts worrying like a cute puppy. Have sex. Good sex and pass him the germs. LOL

Cycling Trip in Spore

Since I am down with a flu fever, Marc advised that I do more healthy stuff and skip any activities in Spore that involve spending money or just bad for health. So, what we did was cycle from Kallang Bay to Marina Bay Sands to watch the famous laser water fountain show. The trip to and back took 2 hours plus.

Our trip begin near Kallang Bay, near to his residence Citylights at Lavender

Then we tested my camera to see if can capture the dark scenery. boleh la ...

so we begin our trip ... pedal pedal !

To our surprise, the F1 tracks were open ... so we adventurously cycle through it

Then after 25 minutes, we are underneath the DNA bridge (is it?) at MBS

Cun leh! My favourite photograph

Of course, we got to see the flyer too ...

To MBS! Marcus

Of course, I must take a pic also lo

Me with the Spore financial district skyline view waiting for the laser show

Laser show, water + lights + music ... see the lady with the harp?

I must say it was impressive. So amazing lo

water fountain ... that one i am not surprise or awe

but when the combine motion, music and lights, its like WOW!!!

Top with a story line or short film, it was so nice ... I got front seat view too!

I like this the most, the eagle laser flying through the water works

Finale! KA BOOM ... with fire! I wonder if they have budget for fireworks? LOL

So the next show is at 930pm, but sudah hungry

So we both took the last picture and cycle home

Anyway, I do feel a bit better now. I just need a bit of rest and hopefully by Monday I will feel better ...