Sunday, June 13, 2010

Reminisce for the better

After attending a 6 hour dry lecture, which almost killed my brain cells due to boredom - I ended up in Pyramid spending some quality time with the entire family. We had pizza, window shopped around, mum and me chated about skin care, brands and also shopping in UK. It was a fun night out. Somehow, a funny feeling brewed in me. I didn't know what was wrong. I was awfully quiet ... and I am sure dad is not the main reason. Partially perhaps?

Then, I was back home - finally getting some time to clean my room, a vow I made to fulfilled before starting on a weekend to finish up my MBA assignment. As I was frantically searching for my DVDs between the books (the few new ones I bought just a few days ago), I found two piece of paper, nicely packed in an envelope. Totally forgot what it was, I took the pieces out and started reading them. How fond the memories and how sweet the words of inks marked on them. Letters from up above, when I was far down below...

I read them knowing that I will be emotionally taken away by them, reminding myself that if that is what he wants ... it is a promised I will try to keep, something I can still do ... despite the many silly things he predicted of me. Somewhat I thought it would be so difficult to venture through them, but it is exactly the same feeling when I received those envelopes back in the days where the cold wind blows. The heart racing with joy, skipping away from the mailbox and into the warmth of heater, reading the funny little things written. I feel fresh, compelled to calm and peace.

I laughed on the same lines; 15yo school girl having teenage crushes. I admire the determination of him actually hand-writing and delivering the letters. I searched again for the watermark under the light for Conqueror and still wonder how come he is so into paper texture. I giggled reading wrongly again for "go for movies together" as "so for moves to sether" ...

Great ol feelings. Lost ol feelings.

I really do not know what to feel. I can't bear to call and tell the then, piggy writer on the phone. My confident and courage failed me again in times. For that I apologize. I really do not want to vanquish whatever that is left of, the best we've got for now. But I really want to share some trails we left behind, for better and for worse. One things for sure that he did best, and I do feel it ... Proud to have you, Proud to be with you ...

Hmm ... I am always so silly with expressions. Sigh*

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