Blanko

I spend the weekends with great companies. As usual, being me ... I tend to digest everything and reflect myself in any possible situation. A hobby I found, self improvement. I realize something new every time someone said something.

1. Giving up meant losing something important
2. By being afraid, you have expose yourself to a weak point
3. Being stronger doesn't mean you are more responsible
4. If you are happy doesn't mean you are content
5. One things for sure, if you have a heart of stone, you are emotionless
6. Sensible humans do things that will not hurt themselves
   
7. Humans are selfish. Great friends are not
8. If you love a person more, it hurts more.
9. If you are the one being love, you have more power.
10. By Eva, loving someone ... you are opening yourself to hurt and pain. It's an inevitable package
    

I guess "mat yeah de yao tat lei kong". Everything also can be said. It really depends on the individual. But one things for sure, life is like a circle. For everything bad, comes a good. For every love, comes a hate. For every contentment in life, comes disappointments. For every pain, comes a better day. It's not how you feel at the end of the day but it's how you deal with it.

After the whole episode of my infidelity, I realize that you owe yourself a good exploration and self learning process. If it hurts every bit to travel along the road ... it means you are still human, a respectable one. Thank you my friends for reminding me this. Some people took their whole lifetime to understand that fact. Some may not even have to go through it. Some may realize it only in their fifties. But well, everyone is different. I am glad I am going through this. Although I can't accept myself for what I have done. It's something I should always look at. My past has been really tough ... and yet, it still looks very dark. I may have to go through it alone and never expected anyone to go through it with me ... but thanks to those who are willingly to journey it with me without judging me.

At different stages of life, you learn different things. That's the truth. One thing's for certain ... I intend to keep those promises I made. It's better late than never and because it is worth every single pain and hurt

I should end this post. I am blogging it straight from what I feel and think and it may have sound utterly ridiculous.

Two cents from Melb

Want to know something? It's not enough if you want to do it ... you have to think about it. Don't let it skip your mind. If you have issues ... think about it, face it and think again. I guess I haven't been doing a lot of thinking in my past. I have always been the radical person that puts feelings first. Art boy ma!

It's not wrong ... but don't ignore the brain (it tells you what is right, proper and acceptable). Flashback to Art, Embodiment unit ... I still remember the time I argue with K about how feelings are sometimes more important than thoughts. I guess, only on certain occasion ...

Well, big boy liao la! Better use more brains.

Maybe that's the reason why I am hardly asleep nowadays. I compensate what I missed last time by doing more thinking now. Thanks Karen ...

Peggy's fault!

Peggy told me that eating makes you happy. I don't think so! With my eating behavior ... it's making me fat rather than happy. I mean, having extra fat is not a bad thing for me, but when I have this "tyre" on my waist and everything else is like a lamp post ... it's horrible!

AND

why the food-aka-fats only goes there? Why not my arm? or my legs? or my flat chest? ... one way or another ... it only concentrates on the stomach and all around it.

Try stuffing a huge pelampung onto a lamp post ...

Now ... that's me if I continue to believe Peggy that eating makes you feel happy. Somehow, after eating during break time at work ... I do feel better ... and jenny makes delicious deserts ...

OK!

CONCENTRATE ON THE PELAMPUNG LAMP POST ...

734am. Class at 830am

I slept so much yesterday, I don't think I can sleep today. Blame it on the weather ... and the fact that I didn't want to bother about filling up my time on a tuesday afternoon. Well, I will be packing my bags to gym. Body combat a lil ... then maybe work on my flat chest.

I am happy to see Jenny finally smiling today. She smiles quite often, but I miss her strong, encouraging and loud giggle. I can't remember when was the last time she did that ... I think it was the time when we bought meehoon goreng sambal with daging near my place. Trust me, that was quite some time ago!

As long as she is happy ... that's good. To the irresponsible partner ... I think you better try and proof her wrong ... that you do care. But even if you don't ... well ... your loss then. Word of advice ... Do not under estimate the power of mouth because news travel ...

To Jenny ... you will always have us to help. Just holler, I don't mind helping ... I might cause more trouble ... but hey ... what's friendship if we don't laugh a lil, cause some trouble and still manage to give each other a hug at the end of the day!

This is a long post ...

Sekian lama, Puasa pun berakhir. Tak sempat menjemu kat IKEA juga.

Anywayz ... it has been a tough weekend. I looked myself in the mirror today and saw some fugly fellow with rotten hair, hangover look, baggy eyes, bad breath and depressing complexion. Lack of sleep, lack of confident and a whole lots of pity crap shit. Whatever it is ... I am facing myself la ... Back to blog sphere, where do I begin ... let's go according to chronological order ...

Friday ...

Actually my weekend started earlier ... I took medical leave on Friday and spend the whole night being taken care by Grace. As a sister ... she did a swell job. Thanks girl for driving me around, visiting places, eating mcD, forcing meds down my throat and being with me ... didn't want to stay home and you have been a great company. You too Vynn!!!

Amazingly, after the 4am MCD breakfast and 2 hours of sleep later, we are up for Dim Sum! We had talks ... I realize that's what we do. Talk talk talk. You girl have been very supportive and I will remember to bring myself up, take good care of myself and believe in my dreams. OK ... I still doubt that ... but like you girls said ... it's not my battle alone. Anyway, I brought my D80 along and pictures pictures ...



Grace ... aka ... Ta Jie


I miss her already ... come down soon k! Muax


Yummy ... I love love love ... the mien mien fried thinge ... er ... can't remember the name


Then the girls decided to get a hoop ... konon mahu kuruskan the waist


I never even consider buying that ... NEVER ...unless mahu jadi Kate Moss



Saturday ...

As soon as the girls drove me back. I was as dead as ever ... thanks to the heavy dose of meds. I slept ... till 6pm. When I was awake ... no one was home. My aunt had a miscarriage and everyone drove back to Perak to visit her. I still didn't know why I was left at home until I got a sms from my mum:

"Take care of the house"

I rolled my eyes. Damn ... I am going to rot at home. I hate it when the house is empty. It's either I rot at home or I rot outside. Second choice seem more viable. I felt like clubbing, and who was the right person to call? Who else than Jimmy Glam!!! Cepat tukar baju and I drove to his place. We were at Sugar Club (I find that name ... weird) but they serve Vodka Lime ... yummy! Sky, Raymond and friends were there too. But Jimmy, Ed, Wick, Claire and a bunch of us adjourn to LQ ... as the crowd were mainly ... young boys. We went into LQ and it was PACKED! That was like the first time I was there ... without someone to cling onto. I just held onto Claire and ask her to company me. So we dance away to awful music and sigh away to the beat. At the end, seeing Ed drunk was the most memorable event of the night ...

"Wo yao chi Pao Pi"


Sunday ...

I drove home and took care of the house that night. A long, slow drive at 5am. I look at the road and it reminded me of something nice. I got home and doze off.

As soon as I was awake. Mum's back. So weird. One day they are gone ... and one day they are back. Went off for second round and this time around... I got drunk. Not "drunk" but high. Claire was having fun seeing two drunks (jimmy and I) talk ... I can't remember what I said. Well, only she knows ... After a whole lots of dancing (and running around), drinking and laughing ... everyone slept like babies. Except me of course ... being the special "notti" baby ... I watched the monday sunrise and still feel like crap shit ... alcohol la tu! Sakit kepala tak boleh tido la!

OK, clubbing straight for two nights in 4 different clubs was tiresome. One way of releasing stress, working your abdominals (with all the body row and hip shake, it gotta work), meeting new friends and sweat. The reason why we were club-hopping-around were because; bad music good crowd ... or good music with no crowd. There's always something missing and it's very sad. Well, at the end, I reckon the company is more important. My partner for both night was mostly Claire (the GF I never had!) and thanks Wick for the shoulder ...

Monday continues on ...

Jogoya!!! I was literally a zombie walking around ... gathering food. Half asleep, half hungry and half dead. It was fun afterall ... me and Claire really shared everything ... my gawd ... I tell you ... she is really becoming the GF ... haha ... dream on! Anyway ... here are some pictures ...


Claire, Wick, Jimmy


Some of Ed and Jimmy's friends ... actually everyone is there already :P


Thanks Er Ge ... there is nothing more I can ask from you


I love this lighting, damn it! Too bad I wasn't in a coat ... or not could have pose abit for Lust, Caution! Hhahaha


After the makan session, we went jalan-jalan at Pavillion. Tired as hell ... but what the heck. BTW, Thanks for the invitation SL ... Do we get to see Jolin that night? Haha!!! Sekian 2 jam berjalan .. I KO inside Jimmy's car. As soon as I was home, I had only 3 hour to sleep before work. As I step out of the car, Jimmy gave me a look. A look of concern and love I missed a lot. I told myself ... OK ... time to swallow a few tablets and get plenty of rest. I did ... and after 8 hours of monotonous work ... here I am ... looking at myself in front of the mirror and saw this fugly fellow with rotten hair, hangover look, baggy eyes, bad breath and depressing complexion. Lack of sleep, lack of confident and a whole lots of pity crap shit ... blogging



FINE, the truth is I miss spending the weekend the old way ... but well ... time to go to bed.

JJ Lin - Hai Pa

WU WO~
Wo tu ran jue de you dian pa
Ai gen shen huo de yi qie
Ni yi wei wo zhi dao zhen me chai kai
Wo men de xiang fa luo cha

CHORUS
Wo de ai
Shi shuo ting bu nen ting
Yi jing nong de bu nen shuo shi chen jing
Ye ke shuo chu wo shi chuo de
Ai wei chen bian chen zhen de
Ye mei dan dao duo shao ni shu yao de ai
Wo bu zai
Qu zhi zhu wo shi shei
Wo shi wo zai ye li diao de yan lei
Ye ke shuo wo kan bu kai de
Wo wei ni wo nen zuo de
Ying hai mei rang ni xiang xin she ai qing
Zhuo you ni wo

Er ku qi dou shi ing wei ai
Ye pi zi ji bu diao lei
Rang wang ri bu zhi shi you ni
Zai wang li wo ye chang zhe
Ping le ming de shou zhe

Repeat CHORUS x2

Wah!

OK ... it's been a month. Yea ... it felt like years ... but reality is ... it's still a month. I almost forgot the art and fun of growing up, being alone ... walking in the park at night, driving around and just be honest to yourself. Feel what you want, be what you want and do crazy things. Claire, Sarah and Jimmy ... if you are reading this, better keep "that night" to yourself! .

To be honest, it was a mixed of both fun and pain. But face yourself! It's one of the hardest things to do ... but it's worth it. Life is short man ... don't dwell into it. I amuses myself every time I want to do something new. I am beginning to like being alone. Don't get me wrong, not that I am a loner but I hate crowds. With all the time in the world, I actually spend more time with friends. Chatting away and bitching about stuff. Something I truly enjoy ... and now ... nothing is holding me back. I just can't wait till this coming weekend ...

Can't wait to meet Vynn and Grace. Mahu slumber ka? Hehe





BTW ... I love this building


by Denton Corker Marshall

Hurt

I can't believe it. I have hurt the two most important person in my life within a short one month. One, my mum ... two, Kenny. Mum and I had a heart to heart talk earlier this morning and both of us end up crying. It was not about Wiggle, my new pet hamster ... but mainly it was about me ...

My system is crashing on me and yet I chin up and keep telling myself to be strong, to be wise and to be a better person. It's a difficult and painful path I have chosen to take ... but it is worth every second because it is for myself ... since my pillar cannot be by my side ... I shall be my own pillar ...

I swear I will never let them cry again. If I could take all their pain and bear it alone, I will because I love them truly and with no expectations. Forgive me mum for the things I have never did to make you proud ...

What a night!

Eva, Lynn and I finally sat down and had our wacky girl talk session. Guess how long it lasted?

6 freaking hours! From 11pm all the way to 4am. That was only the three of us. I met Eva earlier about 6pm ... and we have been talking ever since then!

It was so much fun, catching up, talking about movies, what we are doing, our life, work, revisiting moments back in Uni, bitching about friends, gossiping about people we do not even know, teaching each other tactics to get a new guy, the art of flirting and yes ... we yap alot about love and boys. The amazing thing is that ... we talked none stop ... no resting gap at all!

Comm students ma!

We went to 3 different cafes just spending time talking away like mak ciks. It was so much fun. I wanted to take pictures of us but the bimbo me only brought the camera and left the battery at home.

Next time then ...

Too bad we missed two kakis. Grace and Damaris ... if you reading this ... you owe us a mak cik meetup! Buahaha

No One - Alicia Keys

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cuz
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights

I don’t worry cuz
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try
Try to divide
Something so real
So till the end of time
I’m telling you that

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

IT'S 5th!

I finally went back to school today. Call it soul searching or whatever, it was quite an experience. The last time I was there was about 4 years ago. Many things have changed but some remained the same. The memories are there (especially the really awful ones) but I smile through.

Being able to see some of the mural paintings done by my own hands, my "beauty work" decorating the classroom corridor and teacher's impression still lives on. I was surprise some teachers remembered me. I guess I was really rebellious back in school ... lol

Took some photos.


Pink? How Diva ... wonder who is the new Pengetua ...


This is new ... I didnt know we had such green gardens


Believe it or not, I used to play there


Tempat berkumpul semasa rehat.


hmmm ... lol


One place where I spent 80% of my teenage years in


I wonder why they didn't repaint the block ...


My bike shed ... tempat letak basikal ... hehe


Ironic, I took this pic last. I guess, everything comes back to square one