I have very strong opinions on how relationship should work but I balance my expectations with reasonable acceptance and adaptations in small changes when it comes to reality. I have to admit that we do not always get what we want in life. Because of that, it is always good to do a reality check and see if all the trouble is worth the lost and found feeling that is worth sacrificing for. Love so to speak.
Many people or rather strangers I know are only into the conformity of relationship. They never really fell in love with the person, that particular special someone but rather with the idea of just having someone. When the problems intertwine between the two souls in daily life, all hell break lose and often resulting in break ups too. Conflicts arises when you are just into a relationship that you deem right, rather "WE" deem right.
I for once understood that and told LK that you either learn to live and love by the person, going through the thorny and blooming experiences without seperation or do it the harder way, learn to love the person then live by him, starting with months of friendship, genuinely design for courtship.
My thoughts of finally finding a light within the darkness, something worth learning to care and love unconditionally for was challenged constantly yet I never gave in. I always tell myself to be patience and learn. To always be adapting because it involve the other party. To always be better which one of them include practice. Practice of being honest and never lying to that person was my vow to learn and share, without judgment in hope that he will always be a great listener when in dire needs. Naked as can be, it's not comfortable to do so on my part. I never like disclosing dark stories but it is something I had learn to better share now than later. I learn to swallow my leo pride and roar it out with risk of losing it all, yet I still breath
But how come at each intervals of growth, it feels more difficult than ever? I keep asking myself how come it feels like running towards a wall each time. Enough of all the first move one has to make; asking silly questions with answers that has an open ended excuses, growing anticipation that conversation talks can evolve around the topic romance and constant demeaning of when the day it will come that it finally felt real and natural?
It never will be. Trying is tiring. Settling is foreseeable just rebound. We have communication ideologies and probably slaughter each other for the matter of just fulfilling ego boost or whatever you call them, background, work environment or plain defense mechanism.
I am feeling that it is one sided. The intertwine ideologies have caused us apart. I have let my guard down but it seems that if the other party is secluded and unwilling to bend, there will never be the story of beauty and the beast. Just like how the song lyrics depict tolerance and desire to adapt, the missing gap cripples any possible growth each desire. When one decides to dictate ideologies and stop feeling empathy, you're not suited to date because the only hurt you will cause is more pain.
Pain that you will easily brush off because you never learn that even sharing help eases the sting. If you can overcome it, probably because you did it alone. But situation and people are different. The hostility in dealing with such fragile matters has cause more tears un-cried that you could never imagine because you don't believe in it. You don't believe in him. Then you will never believe in the thick and thin, better and worse that could happen together. Staying together. Being together and living together
It is hard to get by. It really is but I know that at the end - there is nothing to lose but just mere nostalgic moments, warmth and chance to shower love. To me, that is important. I rather not have it, if it means just living by someone's settling cause, someone else's rules because when you get together, it is about us. No longer about the single battles you won or can win.
Because to learn to love is the greatest gift you can bestowed onto another. Changing their life, yours and together forever.