Sleeping Beauty Burfday

Celebrated Sleeping Beauty's birthday with a bunch of friends. It is amazing how new friendship is so fun. So much to explore and learn, but that said you can actually feel the sincerity and effort everyone is making to be friends. It was fun going out with them, lazing around and just chatting away. Too bad I can't join their trip up north.


I hope you like the gift from all of us!

Sleeping Beauty was very touched. She had always wanted to celebrate her special day with her friends, but somehow it never happen. When we successfully surprised her with the waiters singing, bringing her the cake - she cried. Then when she opened all her gifts, her mood was uplifted. You could see how happy a little girl was. I felt happy too. Seeing her reminds me how much I miss my other friends, their birthday celebrations and gathering.

Well, ever since "the incident" ... I hardly get invitations for any dinners, outings, gatherings and such. Like K said - I allow others to judge me, I just got to face the consequences. Yeap, the hardest lesson ... appreciate those who appreciate you. If that is the case, losing them may be the best for both ways. I accept that truth. After all, I still believe I have some worth of being truly happy and still deserve friends.

Anyway - I accepted the promotion from Boss. I guess I will be working in the normal-working hours soon. Wish me luck ...

Peggy's 25th

Happy burfday you cat lover! Hope you love the gathering at Chillis!

Phillip Lightbulb @ Tony Romas

Lunch with love bird, Esther and Justin

Headlines - Spice Girls

I absolutely love the Spice Girls. Yes, I love Euro pop a lot and having all the Spice Girls CDs ... I am looking forward to adding one more to my collection. Their reunion is like a dream come true for me! Although I am not rich enough to get their reunion concert ticket ... I am glad the girl power is back. After so many years, I think it's more like woman power ... or mother power.

Well ... at least their comeback is great ... better than some silly girl pole dancing.

New friends, Fun ol weekend

The weekend was great. Finally got a chance to just chill and truly have fun.

It began with sharing everything with lilpixie on Friday after work. Although we were still quite new to each other, I felt a kind of closeness with her. It was something like Miaomiao with Er Ge. Lilpixie is great, being there and hearing me out in front of Axis for hours before my class starts. But sometimes I can't help but feel that everything happening right now could be just momentary. Soon, new found friends will be like other friends - gone, across time. No expectation anyway - just thoughts.

Spending the entire Friday and Saturday with lilpixie, Er Ge and miaomiao was great. Of course, the most fun part is having the marvelous tea session with lilpixie at Curve, then dinner at Oriental Cravings and dancing away at LQueen with Er Ge and Miaomiao. Er Ge also introduce me to many new friends. Meeting them made me felt ... fresh and new. Then, seeing a bunch of familiar faces (who happens to be the clubbing-partee-gathering buddies) there made a huge the difference. The night was filled with happiness, fun, excitement and then contentment. Great music, fantastic crowd and awesome feeling. Perfect formula to be out and happy.

After two months of sulking and crying, I finally got the chance to really set myself free from all the chains and torturing moments. Dancing away on the dance floor helped. It was good to feel good. Then, a plunge of mood came when I had a cramp on my left leg. Everyone was so into the music on the dance floor (most of them were up on the podium) and I was below eye level. The pain was crucifying and I have no heart to stop the fun.

I stood there a while, breathing heavily, straightening my leg and finally drag myself off the dance floor. Thankfully, Sarah saw me and gave me the best hug ever. I was sad ... K was beside me, and as much as I wanted to just tap him on the shoulder and ask for help ... I didn't want to make him feel bad, hurt or anything.

Anyhow, the party ended early and we went off for dimsum at Jalan Alor. As usual, a bunch of us overnight at Er Ge's place and only manage to wake up in the afternoon . Miaomiao brought me to this place where they serve one of the best nasi lemak goreng in Uptown! Then, we decorated Er Ge's home with beautiful, glamorous, shimmering and sophisticated Christmas decorations.

I felt lonely and blank for a while. This would be my first ever Christmas without K ... after all, he was the only one who thought me the spirit, celebration and true meaning of it ...

Well ... let's see what happens next month.

Headlines

Working

Stress Stress! The amount of work is too heavy. Since I have been temporary transfered to the morning shift, I have been given a whole lots of responsibility. New ones. I have to;

1. Manage both mailbox for two separate brands, where there are always incoming emails to reply to ...
   
2. Provide phone support for clients
3. Train 7 new staff at the same time
   
4. Oversee the International Team in the day
5. Manage the AU and NZ 2008 mailer list, which is in a lot of mess
   
6. Follow up with my clients, both in US and the Oceanic Market
7. Plan for new marketing strategies for both Oceanic and Pacific Market
8. Supervise the new Telesales-cum-marketing team
9. Avoiding empty, redundant and silly chat sessions with irresponsible, unprofessional people
10. Reporting to Boss and Head on a daily basis
    

Come to think of it, the list is not very long but I am all tied up. I wish I had 6 hands, two mouth and 4 eyes. Perhaps my work will be easier. That said, most of the pending KPIs are finishing soon. As I was anticipating to return back to my routine night shift job ... HR and Boss finally pop the grand prize question, "Any interest in staying in the day?"

I felt like being cheated. It was only suppose to be training for the new staff but all of a sudden, things get a little out of hand. Work started pouring in. Mind you ... no one is in the International Team for the day now. One man show but work is work anyway - you just gotta do it. Thankfully, some colleagues helped out.

Anyway, Boss confronted me today and offer me a promotion. He is still considering and working out some plans to convince me to stay in the day. For one, I would be considered a senior (something like a supervisor) helping to manage the International Team in the day and still report to Head. Boss also told me that I will be getting a revised pay, which is better and much more. He will also consider in providing me extra benefits, in terms of commission and others. Career wise, it is a promotion - new KPIs and definitely new responsibilities.

It seems quite tempting, but to be honest ... all I could think of is something silly. Working in the day will allow me to spend more time with K in the future. That is if we ever get back ... . It is nice to have the idea where I would be going home after work, dropping by Giant for marketing, cooking dinner and serving K. It would be nice to go home with a tired mind and wash all of those away while showering with K. It would be nice to be tug in and wake up the next day next to K. It would be nice to imagine things before work ...

It would be nice ...

If only it was not a dream ...

Back to reality. Working in the day is not all that bad. At least for the moment, I kinda occupy my mind somewhere else and work my ass off. I won't deny that I think of K a lot ... but it is not as bad. That seem like the only consolation for all the stress I am going through. Pimples, baggy eyes and of course - hair fall.

If I take up the role, I know I may be blame for many mistakes that I might make in the future, stumbling blocks and so forth. I may even get stab by my night team ... or even my Head, who I respect a lot after his teaching and guidance. I won't deny that I am inexperience, doubtful and not up for it ... but Boss manage to counter that point. He disagree and still choose to believe in me. His words was

"I know you are young, but age isn't a matter. You can get experiences from pushing yourself to do the impossible ... or to just go with a routine flow. It's up to you. The choice is yours. Both way allow you to groom yourself well, if you want to be good at your job. Moreover, I think you will do just fine ... good ... I won't expect a perfect and great from you"

I wonder is he "that" desperate ... Gosh ... I wish I could talk to K and share my thoughts ... K would definitely know what to do!

With all the stress ... it seems like a lonely war. I now know and understand why J-Gun hardly smile last time and finally left the company with his chin up. Sigh*

What to do ...

The First a-kin Post

I was jealous. I admit it. Seeing KW and his bf still together makes me jealous. Two very different individuals, well-known for their contradictions and acceptance level ... still together till this very day. Six years ... and still close. I heard stories about them, and truly I admire their love. They went through shit ... and after a series of breakups, seeing them in gym ... stabs me deep inside.

My beloved K ... is not around ...

I wish I never had made those mistakes in life. I can't help but compared them to me and K. K and I were everything, something special everyone was seeking to have ... but nothing is perfect. People can say what they like but deep down inside me, I know we had that magic a lot of people will envy and search the world for.

Yes ... I am tearing and crying writing this. The pain is still there ... and I am not too sure when it will stop. But I will try to be stronger. I know I am not suppose to hurt myself, but I am glad I am still tearing. It means, I still love him ... I am still human ... and I am still his boy

It feels good to blog, knowing that it's a brand new, fresh start. Not a lot of people is reading this. Good way to express myself. Cheers to the new start, a continuum of andrewkin

Leo's Birthday

Have been really busy lately. Thus, the late post. So sorry ...

Clement's Farewell

For more photos, you can also visit the link below ... Photos are available upon request. Cheers!

http://www.osmansany.com/josh/friends/clementfarewell/clementfarewell.htm

Another lost ... the last heart

It has been a great journey. I was away from Internet, "learning new things" without any influence. Thinking back, this year was one of the most painful years. K was right ... A lot of lost. I lost my relationship about two months ago, I lost someone I really love and care, I lost some close friends, I lost my pets and the most severe ... was losing myself, directions, thoughts and purpose in life. The past 10 months especially the the past 7 weeks was filled with misery, pain, hurt and loneliness. A lot of sacrifice were made and a lot of tears shed. But that's all in the past. All the loss have made me realize a lot of things in life. Loss ... a fresh new start. What is important, what is not, who is and how to live my life ... the way I want, the happy way... the content way ... the way things should have been ...

One things for sure, I am not going to let anyone, including myself to hurt me ... enough is enough. Some might find it cruel ... but I really do no need another stab, again ... enough is enough.

I know that when you write something here or do anything at all, there is always a cause and effect. I guess that's life. But what the heck ... when I started this blog, I wanted to my friends, people around me and readers to just know who and what I am doing in my life. But I realize after a series of events, it doesn't matter what you write ... it's people choice to choose to believe or care. It's only human. No expectation ... but that's life. At the end of the day, everyone just want the best for themselves. Selfish ... for your own good ... something I am finding hard to accept but it is the truth anyway.

During my entire life, I tried being that person where I can "spread the love", especially to people I truly care, especially friends since I never had them since high school ... I want to be that person everyone care and look up to. Friends calling me for this and that. But it never really happened. Naive eh? I admit, I was giving myself too much stress. Unecessary ones!

I guess I never really knew how to deal with people - relationship or friendship. Never knew how to deal with problems that comes with it. I rather keep everything to myself and solve it without getting friends worried, without being judge and without causing any pain. A fear I should have face long time ago. All I wanted was everyone to be happy ... and then it dawns upon you that you are not god ... you can't control everything. When I finally found that special person ... I didn't want to lose him, and I did many things to myself ... thinking it would all go away. Believing the false, being blinded and long story cut short, everything that has happened taught me something more than life.

Of course things got rocky and I started to learn to share with friends. Tell them everything, share the pain and the effect was scary. Some friends choose to distant me, some started judging me and some even hate me. You can say anything you want, but at the end ... I felt it, and it was genuine. It was hard to deal with ... lost a few, gain a few. Well, I am still positive about what happened. Like Ta Ge and Er Ge both said, now you know who you should love more and those that loved you unconditionally. Truly, it was an eye opener. Both filled with disappointments and happiness.

I guess the most important is what I have learned ... should I say still learning?

Ya ... you may already know this. But saying is so much easier than doing. Life is not just about knowing. To certain degree, it is about making room for understanding and then taking the extra effort to face and deal with it. Then how you deal with it requires you to think with your mind, heart and soul whether is it the right or wrong way to deal with it. Why? The process doesn't just involve you ... it involves people around you, family, friends and loved ones. Its not only about yourself. If you are caring ... then taking others' into consideration without judging them counts. Something I regret not doing in the past. Being responsible for what you have done and accept the fact that the consequences in life is very very cruel and I learn that the hard way ... but to be able to move on for a better direction, the right direction is something many would not choose to do.

I accept whatever that will come in the future. I went through a lot ... those who had been around me knows and I know you guys are asking me to take a break. I promise you ... I am and I will ... What's the point of saying things over and over again, asking the same questions over and over again and hurting myself over and over again ... when at the end, the uncertainty is there and you can't control it.

We never know what will happen tomorrow. Better to just do it ...