Hurt

I can't believe it. I have hurt the two most important person in my life within a short one month. One, my mum ... two, Kenny. Mum and I had a heart to heart talk earlier this morning and both of us end up crying. It was not about Wiggle, my new pet hamster ... but mainly it was about me ...

My system is crashing on me and yet I chin up and keep telling myself to be strong, to be wise and to be a better person. It's a difficult and painful path I have chosen to take ... but it is worth every second because it is for myself ... since my pillar cannot be by my side ... I shall be my own pillar ...

I swear I will never let them cry again. If I could take all their pain and bear it alone, I will because I love them truly and with no expectations. Forgive me mum for the things I have never did to make you proud ...

What a night!

Eva, Lynn and I finally sat down and had our wacky girl talk session. Guess how long it lasted?

6 freaking hours! From 11pm all the way to 4am. That was only the three of us. I met Eva earlier about 6pm ... and we have been talking ever since then!

It was so much fun, catching up, talking about movies, what we are doing, our life, work, revisiting moments back in Uni, bitching about friends, gossiping about people we do not even know, teaching each other tactics to get a new guy, the art of flirting and yes ... we yap alot about love and boys. The amazing thing is that ... we talked none stop ... no resting gap at all!

Comm students ma!

We went to 3 different cafes just spending time talking away like mak ciks. It was so much fun. I wanted to take pictures of us but the bimbo me only brought the camera and left the battery at home.

Next time then ...

Too bad we missed two kakis. Grace and Damaris ... if you reading this ... you owe us a mak cik meetup! Buahaha

No One - Alicia Keys

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cuz
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights

I don’t worry cuz
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try
Try to divide
Something so real
So till the end of time
I’m telling you that

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

IT'S 5th!

I finally went back to school today. Call it soul searching or whatever, it was quite an experience. The last time I was there was about 4 years ago. Many things have changed but some remained the same. The memories are there (especially the really awful ones) but I smile through.

Being able to see some of the mural paintings done by my own hands, my "beauty work" decorating the classroom corridor and teacher's impression still lives on. I was surprise some teachers remembered me. I guess I was really rebellious back in school ... lol

Took some photos.


Pink? How Diva ... wonder who is the new Pengetua ...


This is new ... I didnt know we had such green gardens


Believe it or not, I used to play there


Tempat berkumpul semasa rehat.


hmmm ... lol


One place where I spent 80% of my teenage years in


I wonder why they didn't repaint the block ...


My bike shed ... tempat letak basikal ... hehe


Ironic, I took this pic last. I guess, everything comes back to square one

Transparency

I am worst than a slut. Yes, that was the reason I why I broke off. The main killer of PLU relationship ... a good example, me. Please learn from me!

No matter what are my reasons of my doing, they are only excuses. I am transparent now, I don't care how people look at me or see me. I am me, a cleaner and smarter me ... believe it or not ... somethings cannot be change, but people can grow and the older you are, the wiser your decision making will be.

I accept the fact I have been a disgrace, dirty and manipulative person. Someone who preaches the wrong doing and someone who lies to cover my own weakness. I accept the fact that I was insecure with myself and was in denial. I didn't want to be lonely thinking that everything I did can be hidden forever ... I guess sometimes, you need to be lonely to grow.

But I am glad I came out that way. Everything happened for a reason. I am going to brace it myself, accept the coming and learn to grow up. I am weak, amputated and feeling uncertainty every moment. The hardship and suffering will come. But I will not give up. My little voice will help ...

For who I want to be and be with, I believe I can do it

It feels good to be transparent and to my dear friends, thank you for not judging me. I promise you guys that I will be better ... smarter ... and cleaner ...

Lesson to learn : Change for the better of yourself, be selfish. Admit your fault and move on strong.



AK14UKT

7th day

A week. It felt long ... but it was worth it.

Happy autumn and mooncake festival everyone!!!

Next please

So, what's next?

Growing up ... only one thing have to change. I guess the rest will pretty much remain. Afterall, I am still me and knowing me ... sigh! Sorry dearest friends - you've gotta support me through this even if I am doing something silly. What to do? I just wanna be content and happy. Thanks for the ears, shoulders, hands, arms, legs and mouth.

Don't Cry

Today, someone ask me ... why is the weather like that? That is how i feel at the moment. He replied, things will be fine. It's been rough. It's been really rough...

A huge part of me is lost, taken away and I deserve it. It's a feeling that only tears can express. I felt cheated by own. I brought myself to the next level to have get the courage to look into his eyes and believe that he made the right choice. It was hard. It wasn't something I want to do, or need to do but I have to do it. It was only fair and within time perhaps ... he will heal ... move on and ... find a better. I will grow but he will too. For better or worse, let time tell.

Some feelings would never change. It's a name and birthmark that lives with you forever. I am that kinda person. I will always fight for something I believe worth fighting for. But often, its not always you. Sometimes the best thing to do is cruelly hurt yourself to move on.

I am listening to the same melodic tune, season of fireworks. The same song I played 5 years ago when I left that special someone. Today, history repeats. Same mood, same song but different person. I suppose no one will every understand why I drown myself in sad songs. I suppose the imperfection in life makes you treasure the perfection in it.

Well ... I guess Fergie's right. Big girls don't cry....

Hairy Issue

I am losing hair. Unfortunately it is not my body hair. I am not too sure of the reasons, but the amount is enough to raise the alarm.

Grad pictures

Here are the pictures for my grad. Then, it will be back to normal post. Hopefully soon. Happy Puasa to all my muslim friends, readers, anti-fans and stalkers out there!


It was held at the E&O Hotel at Penang


Mum and Grandma, the most happiest person


I like this picture ... dunno why


Talking to Sally Walker, Professor and Vice-Chancellor of Deakin Uni


Famile Portrait ...


Thank you Kenny for taking the pictures!