I am feeling very lonely nowadays. Top it up with me easily angered over tiny matters and suffering from minor insomnia - I look dreadful everyday! Long gone the clown you guys knew
In the day I would sit in front of laptop, browse through thousand of seen clips from youtube, surf google, read blogs of friends, relatives, unknown, enemies and then chat on MSN. At the end of the day, I sighed myself for lunch, dinner and retreat to my room exercising my chinese writings and read outdated magazines till everyone goes to bed.
In the night, my brain would not allow me to sleep, pumping stress, questions, anxiety and sometimes adrenaline at ungodly hours. I dance when everyone is asleep, meditate for hours and still toss and turn in bed. Hot showers, Hot milks and counting sheeps has become routine basis for an easy sleeper like me. I turned to cold showers, cold milks (after the hot ones failed) and read something boring in hope that I doze off before sunrise.
Once I hit slumberland, I will still pop out of sleep frequently. Disturb and blurry when morning comes as if I took drugs, alcohol and had wild sex all night long. Then I will dread myself out bed feeling sober (when i am not) and look forward for the same ol shit. If you get to see me popping a smile, you should buy the lottery. Most of the time, I see myself in the mirror and I feel like skinning someone alive.
Feeling hopeless, aimless, restless mixing it with fatigue, nausea, headaches, loss of appetite, bloating stomach and top it up with a pair of black-baggy eyes, pimples popping all over my body and sneezing through out the day ... I am so close to skinning myself alive.
Well ... Let's just hope like cough, after a doze of medication and refraining intakes of cold stuff ... it will go away, just like this depression thing
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