Friday, February 8, 2008

Reflection of present

Have you ever wonder why certain things in the past haunts? When it happens, most of the time ... it becomes a fobia. People are reluctant to face the fear, pain or put it one side, to overcome it and literally to really put it behind...

many people with strong will and self can do it ... but sometimes it is not the things in the past that haunts you. It is the things in present and ignoring them, or causing further pain doesn't help ... does it?

People, objects, nostalgic moments, words, current events, mementos and friends reminds you of things ... things in present that were a shadow of the painful past. I remind myself everyday not to get affected. But how do you channel that disappointment and darkness when a person constant action reflect the past so vivid, so real and so certain>?

calls it facing fear, embracing your inner most want and the flush it all out. Ta Jie soul searching. Er Ge calls it facing the truth of your emotions. Sleeping Beauty calls it waste of time. I call it torture. I am human too ...

wonder, lopochai is right. To be able to put everything behind, with cruel intentions and selfish traits will help move on. I don't hope one day it will happen ... but if it does, I am so numb - I am ready to move on. I am so afraid that I will love myself so much so that this will happen. Fear of moving on with cruelty and selfishness.

I just want to spend time with my friends

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