Addiction for April08

I have an addict. Two to be exact ...

One is depression - due to many unrelated reasons which act like chain reactions.

The second one is this:




YES! Dark Chocolate M&M's ... which melts anywhere. Eat it while you can!

The opposite polar attraction

I feel happier at work. That is not something good ... cos it means that my other part of life is a sad case.

This particular month has been quite an unproductive. Either than slacking in my work (my actual day job), I didn't do anything much to improve my lifestyle and hobby. I remember a few days before Penang (early this month) I swore and made some promises to get some part time job, earn extra income and get some images up to online library for sale.

Till this very day, my part time income is still zero. No extra job/task out there and none of my images are edited / suitable for sale ... no need to mention uploads then. Empty promises - something I don't like

As I begin to give up, I put on a very sad Korean CD, listen to it and think ...

Life is so unfair. Some people are born with the gold spoon and chopstick. Some people are luckier then the rest and some are not. I feel the pressure, although my spoon and chopsticks are wood and I should be grateful to have one, I felt that they only serve their purpose and nothing more valuable than just items.

The stress falls in today. A few more days, would be end of the month. I have not save a single penny for this year. Every month, my savings are close to zero and the amount depreciates.

With all the frictions and tensions within my family, with all the insincerity spent hours with particular friends along with time and the ungodly-manipulation (simple terms - i felt used) weekend to come, I am trying my best to feel better ... think for the better ...

but life is still a bitter bug, and what is worse - my other half can never make me feel better. Credit given where it is due = he tries at least. Life is really a bitter bug ...

Mahjooing?

After such a long time (close to 6 months, plus) I finally sat down and had mahjong. It is definitely one of the longest break from that mind-challenging game. What to do, BigBanana and I can't seem to get Mother Queen, Amina and CoolJ to play. They don't want to learn - what to do?!

Since Sleeping Beauty, LPC, LGC and me have different working hours, it is close to impossible to gather and have a great mahjong session.

So it's always between K and his bunch of friends.

Of course, this time around - it was at the usual place. Sel's (who is about to give birth soon!) and Jen was of course there. I wasn't feeling well with all the air cond blowing directly at my "not so ong" spot ...

But of course, I wasn't to keen on meeting them up anyway. K pretended nothing ever happened to us. But of course, something did and our friends certainly remember it. Well, I shouldn't be so sensitive anyway ... I just left the situation as it is. I admit, I was quiet and reserve. I guess it's not such a bad thing either ...

Like the usual saying "less talking, less conflict"

That aside, Mah Jong was ok la ... lost a lil money, perhaps about RM3 and nothing biggie happened. Boring way to have spent Saturday night but what the heck ... at least it was not cash consuming.

I am so looking forward for next week's Mah Jooing with Sleeping Beauty and gang@!

After the whole RM thing

April 9th. Not some horror movie but just another ordinary work day.

Our company is going to launch a product and it seems that nothing was done in regards to branding, having a great strategic planning as well as development plan for it ... wasted child, just like any other I would say!

I am beginning to feel monotonous at work. Doing the same ol thing over and over again. I finally understand why certain people prefer to become bosses or switch job as soon as they get the opportunity to. Roaming freely without having to work with stupid people in life helps you to move on for bigger things. Ok, fine ... I hate my job and I am beginning to slack at work

Slack is normal. But for me ... its not ...

After closing a deal or two for the day, my passion dies. I am realizing the fact that I am truly, never going to be ... a sales man, sales person, people who sells stuff. I belong to the branding, marketing and "glamour" side of corporate industry.

So ... why am I staying?

Truly, there is still that little room for improvement and also the great friends I made there. Either than that two reasons - nothing is worth the take or consideration of developing a career there. I don't belong there ...

I truly believe so ...

Sigh ... I wonder when is my break-through going to come. Any takers or job vacancy in regards to my preference ... kindly drop me a note!

Resume ready ...

ps - even part time jobs are welcome! haha

Life's ...

... been busy and hectic. Ever since Valentine (which is about more than one month ago!), I have gotten closer to K. We have been spending some time together and better off said, we are on good terms.

Do not get confused. He is not the main reason why I am tied up most time. It is mostly likely because of a new bunch of friend I have met through Er Ge's party. A whole lotsa fun and laughter. Stress free too!

Just a quick note - I am planning to change jobs too. Realize that I want to earn more money and be doing something I like doing. Although its only about one year since I work, I have gotten bored of the routine and also company's modus operandi. Wish me luck in getting a new job!

Well, to sum up - I am just passing each day as it is. No drama, no frills, nothing much to talk about. I am heading to Penang soon. Perhaps snap some really good picture. Hopefully I can see the sunset!

Maroon 5 - Won't go home without you

Maroon 5 Lyrics

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of her breath, I'll never get over
The noises that she made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remain unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it

[Won't Go Home Without You lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you

Reflection of present

Have you ever wonder why certain things in the past haunts? When it happens, most of the time ... it becomes a fobia. People are reluctant to face the fear, pain or put it one side, to overcome it and literally to really put it behind...

Yes, many people with strong will and self can do it ... but sometimes it is not the things in the past that haunts you. It is the things in present and ignoring them, or causing further pain doesn't help ... does it?

People, objects, nostalgic moments, words, current events, mementos and friends reminds you of things ... things in present that were a shadow of the painful past. I remind myself everyday not to get affected. But how do you channel that disappointment and darkness when a person constant action reflect the past so vivid, so real and so certain>?

lilpixie calls it facing fear, embracing your inner most want and the flush it all out. Ta Jie soul searching. Er Ge calls it facing the truth of your emotions. Sleeping Beauty calls it waste of time. I call it torture. I am human too ...

Sometimes wonder, lopochai is right. To be able to put everything behind, with cruel intentions and selfish traits will help move on. I don't hope one day it will happen ... but if it does, I am so numb - I am ready to move on. I am so afraid that I will love myself so much so that this will happen. Fear of moving on with cruelty and selfishness.

I just want to spend time with my friends

Happy Ratty Lunar Year!

In other words ... happy chinese new year dear readers. May the year of rat bring you abundance, joy, good health, success, positive vibes, love beauty and prosperity.

Gong hei Gong hei

Latest Update

Sleeping Beauty asked me "How did your washboard abs coming along?"

I replied "I wish"

I have been a lazy prick I tell you! Skipping gym and not attending to my gym regime! The result is of course, me getting thinner and losing my fit. Worse still, I am down with a major food poison illness after the company's D&D. Have been vomiting, gastric and diarrhea for almost 2 days in a row.

After the party, I fell sick with a fever. Had no choice but took a day off, ate healthy and watch Grey's Anatomy the whole afternoon. I must say that the TV Series is very good but I miss work in some ways.

2 trips, 10 days and 1 tired boy

Unbelieveable! I realize that I have not been blogging. I always find reasons to why things are constantly undone. For this instances, I have not been blogging mainly because I have been traveling and working a lot.

10 days back, my Melaka trip with the "random 5" aka-also known as the photo- whores was absolutely great. The trip there was less than rm150 for two days, inclusive of food, shopping, transport and accomodation. We literally shared room, car, cameras, food and of course, the bestest of memories! Gosh ... going out with them is like stress-free and most important, relaxing. We chat away like no body's business and the most important is that we GEL along perfectly.







and then ....



5 days later ... came Bangkok. It was my first trip there ... and I was with ErGe, TaGe, MiaoMiao, SanGe?, ErJieFoo, Wick, Sky, AJet and MeiJi (awesome girl with an attitude!) along with another bunch of friends ... I have to say that the four days spent with them will probably be one of the most fun and tired moment in my trips.

ErGe, the absolutely gorgeous diva can walk non-stop I tell you! Not to mentioned his partner in crime (our official fag-hag) MiaoMiao who went Bangkok with an empty baggage but came back with 5 bags! It was mainly fun because I was shopping away ... but tired because I went there half sick, with little sleep and bad stomach at times. What to do? The food there are quite dirty, spicy but delicious and cheap!

The trip became more meaningful - thanks to my ever lovely TaGe ... and a new found SanGe? who calls me Siao Di! A new bro? haha ... I am so happy to have them all with me ... all happening, stress free and awesome. We just had fun with no strings, frills or such. I can just be myself, prancing around and still loved by them. After so long, I felt belong ...

Gosh ... I MISS THEM ALREADY!

I am too lazy to write down my entire journey, feelings and experiences but lets just say it was probably one of the best trips I had in my life. I just wish and hope that TaGe will be able to join us more often in the coming near future. After all, I certainly do not want our brotherhood trips to end here.

(sorry no pics for bkk cos all can see face one!)